After the Exchange
by Leahrs
Summary: During the episode the Exchange Buck and Jane seemed to have a certain something and I always wanted that to be explored further. This is my take on what happened after the wagons rode off at the end of the episode. Buck and Jane took it to T in chap 18...Well...then Chap 22...I'm sorry but they've got a mind of their own...it's now M
1. Chapter 1

The first night after rescuing Amanda and Lou; the Riders, Teaspoon, Jane, Amanda and Hack make camp not far from the old mission. Lou having changed into her regular clothes walks over and sits down next to Kid. She catches Bucks eye and then looks at Jane. Buck nods and said quietly to Jane, "Want to go for a walk?"

"Sure." Jane said with a smile. She can't seem to explain to herself what it is about this man that makes her feel so safe and comfortable. Until recently the only man she'd ever been alone with had been her father and now she finds herself thinking of reasons to spend time with Buck without making it look obvious.

Buck smiles down at her as she stands. Without realizing it he places a steadying hand on her back as they walk. "What will you do now?" he asks as they enter a copse of trees.

"Go home." Jane says automatically. She stops and swallows heavily and looks down. "I don't really know. I hadn't thought about it. I'm not sure how bad the damage really is. If it's salvageable I guess I'll re-open the shop." A tear ran slowly down Jane's cheek as she spoke.

Buck reached his thumb out and brushed the tear from her cheek. "You're not alone." He said softly and then pulled her into his arms holding her as though she would break. He felt her tightening up her shoulder muscles and worried that he had overstepped. Letting go and stepping back he said, "I'm sorry." But then he looked at her face and saw her eyes were red and filled with unshed tears, she was biting down hard on the insides of her cheeks trying to keep herself from crying.

Buck took Jane's hand in his and led her deeper into the trees until he was sure that no one would be able to see or hear them. There was a stream nearby and he walked over and dipped his bandana into the water knowing her skin would be burning at this point. He walked back and saw she was losing her battle to control her emotions. "It's only you and I Jane. No one will know. You're safe. I'll leave if you'd prefer." He offered handing her his bandana.

At his soft gentle words, Jane finally broke and wrapped her arms around Buck and buried her face in his chest. She let out all the tears, pain, sadness, anger, fear and everything else she'd been feeling since Pike had come into her father's shop that horrid night. Buck wrapped his arms around the small woman and held her tight. Slowly he sat down on the ground his back against a tree so that he could support both of them for however long it took Jane to begin to heal. Jane was nestled between his legs and he used his whole body to give her comfort.

After several minutes, Jane's breathing began to return to normal. "I'm sorry Buck."

"For what?" Buck asked as he looked down at her and began to gently brush her hair away from her face.

"Behaving so inappropriately." Jane said. "Soaking your shirt." Jane looked at how she was situated turned several violent shades of red and added "everything."

Buck gave a half smile, "My shirt was due for a good washing and now it's half way there. You haven't done anything inappropriate. You needed a friend and I'm honored that you think of me as one." Buck took his bandana and began to dab at Jane's eyes and cheek's

"You are a wonderful friend. I'm lucky you found me." Jane said as she reached for the bandana and Buck's fingers and hers touched. A spark shot through Jane's body and she gasped and jumped.

"Jane." Buck said watching her eyes widen as she jumped back.

Jane struggled for a second to catch her breath and then stepped back "m, maybe maybe we should head back?" Jane said suddenly nervous and unsure.

Buck nodded and realized how sweet and innocent Jane was. He promised himself that he would do what was necessary to make sure she stayed that way. He would protect her. As they walked back he found himself fighting the desire to put his hand on her back again or to slide it into her hand and interlace their fingers and he cursed himself. He was meant to look after her, his desire to hold her, to kiss her could not be he told himself. She was too innocent.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning while everyone was breaking down the camp Jane found herself watching Buck. _I need advice_ she thought to herself but, Daddy is dead. _ Who can I ask?_ Jane looked around and realized she had two options, Lou who she didn't know or Amanda who she sort of knew, but at least they were from the same town and Amanda did at least know about boy/girl things.

Walking over to where Amanda and Hack were talking quietly Jane cleared her throat. "Hi Janey." Hack said as he heard her.

"Hi Hack, Amanda." Jane said softly and looked around suddenly embarrassed. Amanda gave Hack a look and he winked and walked off.

"Wanna talk?" Amanda said slipping her arm through the young girls.

"How'd you know?"

"It's my job to know things." Amanda said with a smile. "I always liked your father. He was always really polite and respectful. Always called me Miss O'Connell and tipped his hat when he saw me. Treated all my girls the same way too."

"Thank you." Replied Jane "but doesn't everyone treat you like that?"

Amanda smiled saying "Now I see why Buck is so taken with you."

"He is?" Jane asked her eyes lighting up and she glanced over her shoulder to where Buck was hitching the horses to the wagon. "Really? How do you know?

"He's watching you as much as you're watching him." Amanda said and shook her head at the young girl, wondering if she'd ever been that innocent.

Buck watched Jane walking off towards the bushes with Amanda and even though he knew she was perfectly safe a part of him wanted to go after them and keep an eye on her. He couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about.

*Buck* Ike signed *Hey Buck* When Buck didn't respond Ike tapped his chest three times to say look at me but sill Buck didn't seem to hear. Ike snapped his fingers in front of Bucks face while looking in the direction Buck was looking.

Buck shook his head, "Sorry Ike. What's up?"

*You've been standing here and staring for a while I wanted to see if everything was ok. But now I see that it's not the horses your focusing on. * Ike said and wiggled his eyebrows.

"I can't help it Ike. There's something about her. She's so sweet and innocent and I want to protect her, but the instant I get near her I can't help but wonder what it would be like to hold her, or to kiss her."

*You're talking about Jane, right?* Ike asked and Buck gave him a look as if to say who else could I be talking about and Ike smiled *The two of you have been inseparable since you brought her around. You haven't ….*

"Yesterday I held her while she cried but that was it." Buck said but he shut his eyes and smiled for just a moment.

*What? There's something more I can see it all over your face.*

"Our fingers touched and..." Buck swallowed looking for the words, "something happened. I felt this, I don't know how to explain it, but I know she felt it too because she jumped and then she wanted to head back and she was real nervous."

*Was it good?*

"Amazing."

*Then talk to her. See if she'll let you hold her hand again. Don't be a chicken* Ike said

"When we stop later…" Buck started

*No! She's riding in the wagon right? Offer to drive the wagon. Spend time with her!* Ike insisted cutting Buck off. *You've got to do it!*


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Jane." Buck said, walking over to where Jane and Amanda were collecting berries for later.

"We'll talk more later." Amanda said and walked away with a cloth full of berries.

"Hi Buck." Jane said blushing, her cheeks as red as the berries in her hat. "Thank you for last night."

"You're welcome. I was wondering if it'd be ok if I offered to drive the wagon today."

"Really?" Jane replied knowing that her pleasure was evident in her voice and face and she looked down embarrassed.

"Do I make you uncomfortable?" Buck asked seeing her looking away from him. "I can have one of the others drive the wagon if you'd prefer."

Jane looked up "No. Buck. It's." Jane looked around and realized there were people too close for her comfort level. "Will you walk with me?" she asked and when Buck nodded she headed back towards the trees where they had been last night.

As they got further away from the others Jane began to speak softly, "Buck I was embarrassed. I thought you had seen the look on my face. Daddy had rules for who I would marry so I never gave boys much thought. I like talking with you and how I feel when we walk together."

Jane thought about what she and Amanda had talked about and the words came rushing out in a torrent, "I don't want you to think of me as a child even though I'm experiencing all these feelings for the first time. I'm scared and embarrassed but," Jane swallowed and thought about what Amanda had told her about being brave, "I want" Jane paused to breath "to spend time" Jane fought her fears and nerves "with you."

Buck put his hand on Jane's shoulder stopping her. He stepped in front of her and looked at her. "I want to spend time with you too Jane." Jane's eyes were wide as she looked at him. "I don't think of you as a child, but I do think of you as innocent. I want to protect you I want you to always stay as sweet and innocent as you are today. I'm afraid that I'm going to take that away from you."

Buck looked down at Jane's hand and remembered the shot that burned through him at their last touch. Jane followed Buck's eyes and reached her hand tentatively out to his. Buck closed his eyes and let his fingers touch hers. He felt the jolt again, he opened his eyes and looked into Jane's soft brown pools. He watched her mouth open as she felt the energy pass between them. His fingers slid between hers interlacing their fingers and bringing their palms together.

"You're not taking anything away from me Buck." Jane said softly her eyes locked with his. "You're giving me so much."

They walked back to the others hand in hand. Buck helped Jane into the wagon and then climbed up beside her. As they rode Buck and Jane talked about all kinds of different things, most were of little consequence; by unspoken agreement both had decided to keep the serious discussions until they were alone and wouldn't be interrupted. After a few hours, Jane yawned and Buck put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, Jane hesitated for a second and then relaxed against Buck's chest and let herself doze off in his arms.

When they stopped that night Jane helped Buck cool down the horses and take them to get water. "Jane, can I ask you something." Buck said as he kneeled by the stream.

"Anything Buck." Jane said with a shy smile and turned to look at him her hand lingering on the horses neck.

"I was wondering about something you said about your father." Buck said cautiously.

"You want to know why I never paid any mind to the men in Benton? Why I'm so shy?" Jane asked

Buck nodded watching her carefully. He saw her color slightly but not like before. "If you want to."

Jane took a deep breath and shut her eyes. "Buck I hope you can believe me when I say that I want to. I want to explain to you but I can't. I have a secret that I have to keep. Lives depend on me not talking about it. I know it sounds silly that a girl like me could have a secret that serious but, I'm not allowed to say it."

"I believe you Jane." Buck said softly as he stood up and walked over to her. "I trust you. I hope someday you feel you can let me know how I can help you protect these people who are so important to you."

Buck took her hands in his as he looked down at them then up to the sky and finally settled on Jane's beautiful brown eyes, "Just answer me one thing. Will this secret keep us apart?"

Jane swallowed deeply she felt like she couldn't look away from Buck. She was trapped in his gaze. Slowly she brought their hands to her cheeks and rested her head in his left palm, "I don't want it to." She whispered her eyes never wavering from his.

Buck nodded and fought the urge to bring her just inches closer and kiss her; to taste her lips, take in her scent, feel her soft lips part under pressure from his, hear her gasp as he slides his tongue slowly across her lips and past her teeth for the first time.

"We should head back to the others." Buck said his voice raspy as he tried to control his desire and need.

Jane nodded her head lowered as she thought about all she'd ever been told. _It has to be a secret. People have died. We always have to leave. We live in secret. _Then she thought about what her heart wanted and she felt split in two.

_This must be what Lou feels like everyday. Living a secret life and pretending everything is normal but wanting to be her true self but afraid. _

She felt Buck's hand touch her back and she stopped and looked up at him. "I have one more thing to ask you Jane, and I hope you say yes." Jane cocked her head to the side and smiled at his honest words. "If it's all right with you, I'd like to ask Teaspoon if I can go with you back to Benton, help you get your house and shop cleaned up and get you back up and running."

Jane's face broke into an ear to ear smile. "Oh Buck! That would be wonderful! I would love to have you come home with me!" Jane thought about what else it might allow her to do and she realized that she felt relieved at the thought. "We could have Friday Dinner together." Jane said happily and wrapped her arms excitedly around Buck's neck. Buck slid his arms around Jane and held her tightly.

"I never imagined you would be so happy." Buck said with a light laugh in Jane's ear.

"I don't even have the words to explain." Jane said her eyes shut in anticipation. She was already beginning to imagine their Friday Dinner. Jane sighed happily and then she heard a cough behind her.

"Jane I believe Amanda and Lou were looking for you." Teaspoon said from behind her.

Jane let go of Buck and blushing said, "Thank you."

"Son?" Teaspoon said as Jane walked away

"She's special Teaspoon." Buck said simply "I want to go to Benton with you and help her get set back up."

"I figured. I'm just surprised it took you so long to ask." Teaspoon said and draped an arm around his quietest rider. "One thing Buck. Keep in mind she's just lost her only family and she's still real young."

"I know Teaspoon. I swear the only things we've done are talk, hold hands and that hug. Which was really unexpected." Buck said and looked at where Jane was busy setting up her bedroll between Amanda and Lou and happily talking to the two women. Teaspoon watched Buck smile as he watched Jane and knew the boy was smitten but also very aware of the situation.


	4. Chapter 4

Teaspoon, Amanda, Hack, Buck and Jane rode into Benton around dinner time two days and Hack took the horses and wagon to the livery while Buck took the bags up to Amanda's spare had offered Jane a room as well but Jane said she just wanted to sleep in her own bed after so long.

Teaspoon and Hack having finished at the livery walked back across town and met up with Buck, Jane and Amanda in the Silver Spoon. The group sat down in the dining room.

"I had the cook make ham steaks and potatoes with carrots. Its his specialty." Amanda said.

"Oh good." Hack said "I've been missing Griffins grill ups.

"Sounds good to me." Buck said

"Not to sound too much like Cody but I'm so hungry I could eat the whole pig." Teaspoon added.

Jane laughed "That does sound like him."

"I think you've been spending too much time with my riders." Teaspoon teased lightly and everyone laughed.

The plates came out and everyone dug right in. Jane nibbled at her carrots and potatoes.

Buck looked over worried and leaned over and whispered into her ear, "Are you feeling ok?"

Jane nodded and whispered back, "Just tired."

"I'm going to walk Jane home." Buck said standing up then stepping over and putting his hands on her chair to pull it out.

Jane looked at Buck gratefully and let him pull the chair out. She took his hand as she stood and smiled as he slid it into the crook of his arm and a small giggle escaped as he led her out to the boardwalk and then stopped and looked around."I don't know where you live? "Do we go left or right?"

Jane laughed fully this time and rested her head for a second on Buck's arm and then said "We go left." They made their way slowly down the boardwalk and then turned right onto a side street. "The door is over here." Jane explained. "Daddy set it up, so that way people could get in and out without anyone seeing, he said it was an old world tradition."

As they walked in Jane reached onto a small table and lit an oil lamp. "I'm sorry it's so dark. Most of the lamps broke in the fire and the windows are mostly boarded over down here."

Buck reached out and took Jane's hand. "It's ok. We'll take care of everything, tomorrow. Tonight I just want to make sure you're ok.

"Will you sit with me for a bit?" Jane asked and quietly led Buck up a small flight of stairs to the family apartment above the shop.

When they got to the sitting room Jane set the lamp on the table and set the wick for maximum. She pulled the curtains to let in any light possible and Buck walked up behind Jane, "You have a lovely home."

"I was sitting in here when I smelled the smoke. I looked out the window and saw Pike." Jane said.

Buck put his hands on Jane's shoulders. Jane's eyes shut and she leaned back into Buck's warmth. She put her hands over Bucks and felt their fingers slide together. She held on for strength.

"Jane?" Buck said softly

Jane turned in Buck's arms and looked up at him "Yeah?"

"You don't need to stay here if you don't want to. Or if you want to you don't have to stay alone." Bucks hands slid down her back holding her safely against him. Jane placed a hand on either side of Buck holding onto his waist.

"This is my home. I don't know anywhere else. I need to do this." Jane explained.

"You may be the bravest woman I will ever know. But you don't have to do this, any of this alone." Buck said and stepped slightly back so he could see Jane's face.

"I know." Jane lifted her hand and lightly touched Buck's face. She watched as his eyes shut. "I'm grateful that I have you." Jane felt her heart quicken and she drew her finger down Buck's jawline. Jane felt her skin tingling and was unsure what was happening so she stepped back breaking all contact with Buck. Suddenly breathing became easier and her skin felt normal again.

"Maybe you should get some sleep." Buck said "I'll come by in the morning and walk with you to breakfast."

"I'd like that" Jane said "I know it's going to sound silly but can I have a hug goodnight before you leave."

"That's not silly." Buck said and stepped to Jane and wrapped his arms around her loosely at first but then he found himself slowly tightening them.

He laid his head on hers and shut his eyes. He could imagine holding her much like this but in bed. There were words in his head that he wanted to say but he couldn't, shouldn't not now. It was too soon. "Sleep well Jane. If you need me, don't hesitate to get me." He whispered into her hair instead of the words he was aching to say.

"Good night Buck." Jane said not wanting to let go. Wishing she could ask him to stay and sleep on the sofa. "I'll see you in the morning." Jane's eyes were closed as her head laid against his chest and she listened to his heart beating. A reassuring rhythm that sounded as though it was calling out to her. Finally she forced herself to let go and step away.

Jane stood in the sitting room and listened to Buck walk down the stairs and out the door. Then she watched as he walked onto the boardwalk. She looked out the window as she went to close the curtains and saw him standing outside looking up at her. She smiled and waved and he waved back. Jane made her way into her room and peeked out her window and Buck was still there. She waved again and again he waved back. _I'm not alone._ Jane thought as she climbed into bed feeling safe.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning first thing Buck found himself walking around the front of the shop and looking at the boarded up windows._This is gonna be a lot of work,_ he thought.

"Hello. I'm afraid it's closed." Said a man coming up beside him.

"Yes.I know." Said Buck."I'm a friend of Jane's.I'm here to help her re-open."

"Well then, I'm Mr. wife and I own the Bugle there." Said Mr. Hayes congenially. "How did you two meet?"

"At, Well, " Buck paused trying to figure out the words. "I'm a Pony Express rider" Buck said hoping to distract.

"Ah. You were at Pike's hanging." Mr. Hayes said.

"Reginald Hayes!" a women's voice called from a nearby window.

"That's my wife Matilda. I better get tell Jane she's in our prayers and we miss her at church." Said Mr. Hayes."I'm coming Darling!" Reginald called down the street.

Buck started chuckling and went around the corner and knocked on the didn't get any answer so he opened to door and called "Jane." When he still didn't get an answer, he stepped in and went into the hall."Jane" he called no answer so he walked upstairs and called her name again as he got to the top.

"Buck?" He heard and he let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding."I'm up here."

Buck walked past the sitting room and kitchen and around a corner and saw another walked up and realized he was heading into the he got to the top of the stairs he saw the room opening up before him."Oh!" he exclaimed. "Jane this is your bedroom!"

Jane laughed lightly. "I know that.I've lived here my whole life!"

Buck stopped on the stairs not wanting to go all the way into a girls bedroom."Are you ready for breakfast?" He asked unsure of where to look.

"Just got to pull on my shoes" Jane looked over to where Buck was on the steps, "You can come 's ok."

"I'm fine." Buck said and sat down on the stairs.

Jane pulled on her boots and watched Buck settle looked as comfortable sitting on her stairs as he did collecting wood out in the woods. "You stood outside my window last night."

"I wanted you to know you weren't alone." Buck looked up and then quickly turned his head."I met your . Hayes."

"Then you also must have met the indomitable Mrs. Hayes." Jane said with a smile.

"Only heard her." Buck replied

"That's true for a lot of people." Jane said teasingly. "Mr. Hayes was trying to run the paper after his parents died and he was Mrs. Hayes, who was Miss Fitzgerald back then, apparently walked in and started yelling at him about how bad a job he was doing and he'd printed a whole article upside down and what was wrong with him?"Jane stood and walked over to Buck.

They made their way down the stairs and Jane continued the story as they walked to breakfast, "So he said if she was so smart why doesn't she take over; so she . Hayes loves telling people what to do."

"I noticed." Said Buck

"She's very good at it." Added Jane with a wink. " Mr. Hayes, loves talking to always said if he was a woman he'd be a gossip but since he's a man he's called a reporter."

"I like your father." Buck said grinning

"Everyone liked Daddy."

"They got married three months later and have been happily married and running the newspaper for the past 17 years. Mrs. Hayes tells lots of people what to do and Mr. Hayes gossips and then tells Mrs. Hayes who turns it into news stories." Jane finished as they approached the Silver Spoon.

Buck pulled the door open and let Jane enter before him."You are a wonderful story-teller."

"It's a family couldn't always take a lot with us so we learned to tell stories rather than read them. But Mama loved books so Daddy was always buying books for her to read, as well." Jane explained. "Mama said there was something special about the smell of fresh paper and leather that made her happy and excited all at the same time."

Buck watched Jane's face transform as she talked about her family, she couldn't hide though and emotion showed on her sweet, beautiful, innocent face. He longed to brush away the lines at the corner of her mouth as she thought of something sad or to _NO! _he told himself.

He followed Jane to a table where Teaspoon already was sitting. "Morning." Teaspoon said a twinkle in his eye as he watched the young couple. "What has got you two so talkative so early?"

"I was just giving Buck the local color behind some of Benton's more interesting characters." Jane said with a laugh and then rather impetuously hugged Teaspoon.

"Well I'm not gonna say no to a greeting like that." Teaspoon said

"I think I'm jealous." Buck teased

"Why are you jealous mate?" Hack asked coming over to join them.

"Teaspoon got a hug."

"Janey here's just got good taste when it comes to the male of the species."

Jane blushed and said softly, "I'm gonna go find Amanda." Jane disappeared upstairs and soon found her way to Amanda's office door. She knocked and heard her call out.

"Morning." Jane said softly

"You're already blushing Jane. What happened?"

"Umm, well I gave Teaspoon a hug and then Buck," Jane began and stammered as her words came out to fast, "and Hack, and oh dear." Jane sat heavily in a wooden chair and covered her face with her hands.

Amanda laughed. "It's there way of saying you're part of the family and they care for you. It's a good thing."

"Really?" Jane said lifting her head and peeking out.

"Yes. Now let's go down there and have some breakfast and get your home fixed."

Jane smiled, "Thanks Amanda."


	6. Chapter 6

After a breakfast full of chatter and good food Jane led everyone back to her home and her father's shop.

"I've never actually done this before." Jane said as she slid her father's key into the lock.

"Done what?" Amanda asked

"Unlocked this door." Jane said her hand frozen on the key. "This is father's key. He would unlock the shop every morning. He only used the key when we went into town and had to leave the shop. Otherwise he unlocked or locked the shop from inside. I've never even held father's key before." Jane turned and looked at Buck.

Buck gently placed a hand on her back just between her shoulders. "You don't have to Jane. We can figure something else out."

Jane bit her lip and shut her eyes she could taste the blood from her lip. She took a breath and then turned the key, "Father would want me to try." She said so softly Buck wasn't sure she had actually said it and then stepped inside.

"I looked around upstairs and that's mostly ok. It's really just down here, in father's shop and workroom." Jane said as she pushed aside the curtain that led into the store.

Hack stepped quickly in and put himself in front of Jane blocking her view. "Jane you don't want to see this. Let us clear the place out first."

"You don't know what's trash and what I can use."

"Somethings are gonna be obvious Jane. Please trust me." Hack said his Australian accent lilting. "Promise we'll put tools and gears and other doodads off to the side for you to sort through. Please just go upstairs with Amanda and let us clear out the big stuff."

"What is it Hack? What don't you want me to see?" Jane asked standing straighter her lips forming a thin line.

"We were in and out real fast. Trying to stop the fire. Trying to get your Dad out. Then with Pike and everything we never thought to come back and …"

"Hack." Jane said and stepped towards him. That was all it took for her to see the wood of the chair that her father had sat in. She knew that chair as well as she knew her own arm. She'd seen her father sit in it everyday of her life. When she was little she'd sit in his lap and help him fix watches and other pieces. Jane never felt the tears rolling down her face. She didn't hear herself begin to wail. She didn't even feel when Buck scooped her up and carried her upstairs and laid her down in her bed and wrapped her in her quilt. She just cried until she felt like there was a hole in her heart that was the size and shape of her father. She was exhausted and didn't think she could move and that's when she discovered she was in her bed.

"shhhh." Buck whispered as he stroked her head softly. "It will get better. I promise."

"Buck?"

"Hey. You're back."

Jane took a shaky breath and blinked, "How'd we get up here?"

"I carried you. I didn't think your legs were going to hold you much longer so…" Buck shrugged

"so you carried me." Jane whispered.

"I know your pain. I know how real it is. I know how raw you are. I don't know how you are still going as strongly as you are. I didn't, I collapsed." Buck admitted without shame.

"What do you mean?"

"I saw my village attacked. Women and children slaughtered. The girl that I was promised to taken away and because I was ½ white I was seen as the enemy too and had to leave. In one afternoon I lost every person I'd ever known in my life."

Jane's eyes widened, "How did you survive?"

"At first I didn't. Then Ike. Now our family." Buck reached out and brushed a strand of Jane's hair back, "The important thing is, I know what you are going through. I went through it too. You are not alone."

Jane smiled sadly at Buck, "Thank you for staying with me."

"Why don't I check in with the others and bring you up something to eat and then you can tell me about the wall of books downstairs." Buck said smiling


	7. Chapter 7

Buck took the stairs two at a time and got down to the store in time to see Hack hauling a shelf out the door to a wheelbarrow that was already full. He stepped in and the room was nearly empty, Amanda was sweeping and Teaspoon was picking up pieces of things that might be salvageable and putting them in a tin.

"How's she doing son?"

"Better." Buck said smiling "Thank you for doing all of this."

"We've still got a long way to go." Amanda said "but at least Jane won't see the chair her father died in next time she come's in here."

"It's so clean in here she may not recognize it." Buck teased.

"Well then," Hack said coming back in, "Why don't we call it a day and head on out and let Janey rest up and tomorrow we'll come on back and work on replacing the windows."

"I'll let her know the plan." Buck said with a smile.

"How about I send one of the girls over with some dinner for the two of you." Amanda added "I think Jane needs a friend right now."

Buck nodded, "That would be great."

"Son." Teaspoon said stepping up to Buck, "I know how you feel for that girl but,"

Buck put his hands up, "Teaspoon I promise. I just want to be her friend right now. Nothing else."

"Good man." He said and then turned to the others, "Why don't we let them get on with their evening and we can get on with our dinner."

Amanda laughed, "I think that sounds lovely." She slipped her hand in Teaspoons profferd arm and followed Hack out the door.

Buck headed back up and found Jane waiting for him in the living room. "Were you eavesdropping?"

"No. If I wanted to do that I'd be in Daddy's room." Jane said with a grin and then her eyes flashed suddenly sad.

Buck sat on the sofa next to Jane and took her hand. "I know you want to do this. I'm proud of that actually, but Jane, it's gonna be hard for you. You'll be by yourself in this home. Will you be ok?"

"I don't know. But I'd never forgive myself if I didn't at least try." Jane said

"I understand." Buck said and took her hand in his and squeezed.

Jane looked down at their joined hand and smiled then looked up at Buck and said, "This makes me feel better."

"Then I'll have to do it more." Buck said and brought her hand to his lips and lightly kissed her fingers.

Jane giggled, "Does that count as my first kiss?"

"It can if you want it to." Buck said softly and smiled brightly when Jane nodded.

"Jane can I ask you something?"

"Mmhmm"

"You said your dad had rules about who you could marry." Jane nodded "I'm gonna guess someone like me wouldn't have been on the list."

Jane chewed nervously on her lip, "No, but not for the reason you think. Daddy didn't care about the color of your skin or what country you were from or a lot of the things most people care about. He had other things that were important to him. Him and Mama. And me, I guess." Jane paused and tried to find the words, "You remember I said we had a secret. Something we couldn't talk about and people's lives depended on it."

"Of course." Buck said and he leaned slightly forward hoping he'd learn more.

"Who I marry, who any of us marry really, has to do with that, the secret." Jane said and then put her hands to her forehead. "Oh that doesn't really make any sense to you does it."

"Not really Jane. It kinda sounds like you're saying that you can only marry someone who knows your secret." Buck said

"Sorta but it's more than just knowing about it." Jane stood and began to pace nervously. "I want to tell you Buck. I trust you I know you'd keep me safe, keep our secret. But …" Jane swallowed hard and walked to the window and looked down at the street.

"But your whole life you were told don't tell." Buck said quietly as he got up and walked to the window. He stood beside Jane giving her both space and the comfort of his nearness.

"Exactly."

"You can trust me Jane and when you are ready to tell me I will listen and I will protect you and help your friends if they need it." Buck didn't know how he knew this but he knew that Jane's secret was vital to their future.

Jane stepped closer to Buck and hugged him quickly. She stepped back but Buck stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her and held her to him and stroked her long auburn hair. He rested his cheek on the top of her head and just held her.


	8. Chapter 8

Over the next few days Buck and Jane worked tirelessly on her store and workroom, they would have dinner together in the evenings and then Buck would walk back to Amanda's in the dark, only to return to Jane's place first thing every morning.

That Friday morning Jane came down to the first floor and saw Buck already hard at work and smiled, "Buck?"

"Morning." Buck said as he laid down his paint brush and wiped his hands and stepped over to Jane.

Jane smiled up at Buck, "I thought Teaspoon said you were going home today."

"Amanda asked him to stay until after the church social on Sunday and Teaspoon has a hard time saying no to Amanda." Buck smiled

Jane squealed and wrapped her arms around Buck's middle. "Then will you come to Friday night dinner?"

"I've eaten dinner with you every night since we met. Of course I will." Buck said curious why tonight's dinner was different.

"I've got a lot to do then." Jane said happily.

"Why?"

"Because it's Friday."

"Jane, I'm missing something."

Jane stopped and turned back and looked at Buck startled. "Oh. Um." Jane swallowed nervously "It's a…" Jane bit her lip and looked around and then back to Buck, "it's a tradition we always had." She said softly

Buck reached out and took Jane's hands, "If you're not ready to tell me that's ok. I still want to share your tradition with you, if you'll let me."

Jane looked up from their hands and her eyes wide looked into Buck's eyes, "Why?"

"Because they're important to you."

Jane nodded and after a moment smiled. "Buck. Maybe you could spend the day with Teaspoon or Hack? I need to get the house ready for tonight."

"Can I help?"

"No silly. That's my job."

Buck laughed, "Ok, what time do you want me back?"

"Be here before sunset."

"Promise." Buck said and squeezed Jane's hand lovingly.

Several hours later just as the sky was filling with ribbons of pink, orange, red and gold Buck walked up the stairs into Jane's home. He smiled as the smell of roasting chicken and fresh bread filled the stairway and chuckled when his stomach growled in appreciation.

"Jane." He called as he reached the top stair.

"In here Buck." Jane called from the small kitchen at the back of the house.

Buck walked in and grinned, there was Jane in a dark blue dress and a white apron, her hair was pulled back into a long ponytail and had traces of flour in it. "You let me relax today while you've been working hard." He said as he stepped in and handed her a bouqet of poseys he'd picked for her.

Jane put her hands over her mouth when she saw the flowers, "They're beautiful!"

"I wanted to show you how I feel about you."

Jane blushed and turned away. She distracted herself by putting the flowers into some water and carrying them to the small table a few feet away.

"Will you open the wine Buck?"

"Wine?"

"We only need to drink a sip." Jane said making a face "I don't really like it but it's tradition."

Buck laughed lightly and nodded then opened the bottle Jane handed him and poured two very small glasses and handed them to Jane, then recorked the bottle. He wondered if she was going to ask him to say something and hoped not.

"If you want to sit," Jane said indicating the table. "We can say the…" Jane turned and picked up two candles and brought them to the table, "Light the candles and have dinner, I mean."

Jane quietly struck the match and quietly mumbled something as she lit the two candles. She covered her eyes briefly and added a few more words that Buck couldn't make out and then handed him his glass of wine as she mumbled something and took a sip. Buck curious took a sip as well. He felt like he was watching a very old very important ritual, he just couldn't understand it. Jane walked over to the sideboard and brought over a small loaf of bread and Buck's eyes grew wide at the sight.

"Jane did you bake this?"

"Of course. Why?"

"It's beautiful. It looks like a braid. How'd you do that?"

Jane laughed and said, "I braided the dough and used a lot of egg white to make the bread look so pretty." She broke off a piece and handed it to him and took a piece for herself and Buck watched as again she mumbled something and then ate it.

"I've never tasted bread like that."

"It's a special bread we eat on Friday's and some holidays. It's got a lot of eggs in it. That's why it's yellow and tastes so sweet." Jane explained as she brought over the chicken, potatoes and vegetables. "Do you want more?"

"I'm not ever going to say no to your yellow bread." Buck said with a smile.

Jane laughed happily and cut him a large slice and then filled his plate. "I hope you like my cooking Buck. It's not exactly like what you might get at Amanda's."

Buck took Jane's hand in his. "No, Jane. It's better. Because you made it."

Jane blushed and looked down at the simple white tablecloth, "You haven't even tasted it yet."

"I don't have to." Buck said and brought Jane's fingers up to his lips to kiss them again. "Thank you for sharing your secret with me." Buck said very softly as he brought her hand down but continued to hold her hand in his.

"You know?"

"Not what it is. But that this is connected to it." Buck said and turned his chair so their knees were touching. "There was something about what you were doing and saying. I couldn't understand it. I guess I didn't need to but, it made me feel like I did when I was little and we had ceremonies or when I was at the mission school and they would have us go to church or pray before meals." Buck stopped and looked at Jane and realized that's what had just happened.

Jane's eyes got big and round she started to pull away but Buck held her hand, and kept her at the table. "Don't tell." Jane whispered "Please don't tell."

"Tell who? Tell what?" Buck asked baffled.


	9. Chapter 9

A single tear slid down Jane's cheek and Buck lightly brushed it away. "You don't need to be afraid." He kneeled down so he was as close to her as he could get and placed their joined hands on her lap. "You didn't break your promise Jane. I just put things together. I won't ever tell I promise you."

Jane nodded slowly, "I'm sorry for acting so foolish Buck."

"You're not. You made a promise and you're torn that's all." Buck said softly and ran his knuckles lightly down her cheek.

Jane tilted her head and looked at Buck from under her lashes. "I think I want to tell you. I'm just afraid because of all the stories I've been told."

"How about we eat and you tell me about making jewelry and fixing watches and then after dinner we can see what you feel like talking about." Buck said gently.

"Yes, thank you." Jane said and took a deep breath.

Buck got into his seat again but didn't let go of Jane's hand. She looked down and smiled at their interlaced fingers and then up at Buck. "I might need that to eat with Buck."

"I know but I'm using it to give me the strength to do something I've never done before."

Jane giggled, "Well then I guess you can keep it for as long as you need it?"

Buck smiled at her easy acceptance of his statement. "Jane, would you go to the church social with me on Sunday?"

Jane's whole face lit up. "I'd love to Buck!" She said and leaned over to hug him.

Buck laughed happily at her enthusiastic reaction and held the slight woman in his arms. "I should tell you though, I'm not the best dancer." Buck whispered.

"I don't care." Jane said happily leaning back into her seat smiling. "I'm just happy I get to go with you."

Buck reddened at the compliment and decided to hide his happiness by trying Jane's food. "Oh my god. Jane did you make this chicken?"

"Mmhmm." Jane said smiling as she took a bite herself. "Every Friday night I make roast Chicken for dinner."

"It's the best thing I've ever eaten." Buck said as he took another bite.

Jane laughed happily. "I'm glad you like it."

After dinner was over and the dishes were washed and put away Jane and Buck were in the front room sitting on the sofa a book open between them.

"Long ago, thousands of years," Jane said "My family were slaves here under a bad man, a King, called Pharoh. We escaped, and lived for a while in a desert. Then we lived in…" Jane thought for a minute and said, "Well, Mama, used to call it the land of milk and honey."

"Why milk and honey?" Buck asked already feeling pulled into Jane's story.

"Because the land was given to us by God and it had fertile land and trees which had fruit and the animals could thrive." Jane explained then shrugged slightly adding "Father taught me a lot since he didn't have any sons."

"It must have seemed magical after a desert."

"It was but that's why people fought for it and so my people were forced to leave. We have wandered ever since looking for a home. Strangers don't like new people taking over their homelands and so we were often accused of being bad because we were different. People attacked us, killed us, and worse because of who we are." Jane said softly

"Much like the Indians." Buck said

Jane nodded, "That was what brought Mama and Daddy out here. They wanted to help however they could. They said that long ago people came to our aide and now we should stand by those who need us most."

"How did your mother die?"

"She was down at the village helping a few people with learning to read, write and speak English so they could protect their people when the Army came in. Mama tried to stop them and they shot her, they thought she was attacking. It was a mistake. I was six."

Buck nodded, "It happens too much. That's why you and your father were so close."

Jane nodded. "Buck can I show you something?" When Buck nodded Jane closed the book and put it back and took out another book and handed it to Buck. She sat down on the sofa next to Buck and he wrapped his arm around her pulling her close.

Jane smiled and opened the book backwards. Buck started to say something and then noticed that the book wasn't in English. "Jane? What is this?"

"It's our bible."

"Why's it ….well what language is it?"

"Hebrew and German."

"Do you read those?"

Jane laughed, "No. Daddy tried but it never took. Hebrew is written backwards. People think that means it's from the devil. But it's not. I promise."

Buck laid his hand over Janes and together traced the delicate foreign words. "I believe you. The nuns at the mission school told us the Hebrews were some of the first people. They wrote the old testament and Jesus the new testament."

Jane smiled, "Sorta. We only follow the old testament Buck." Jane said softly and waited for that to sink in.

Buck nodded. "I didn't believe everything the nuns taught me either, but I still went to church every Sunday while I was there to fit in."

Jane looked up at Buck and smiled. She felt safe and happy. The two talked long into the night, Jane leaning into Buck's side his arm wrapped tight around her keeping her close to him. Their fingers never left the others.


	10. Chapter 10

The early light of dawn came peeking through the window. "Ugggg" Jane grumbled and through a hand over her eyes. She went to roll over but found she couldn't move. "Stupid blankets." She grumbled and wiggled restlessly until an arm tightened around her and she froze.

"Buck?" Jane squeaked

"Hmmm?" Buck said still asleep

Jane relaxed and then opened her eyes to find she was on the sofa in the front room stretched out being held tightly by Buck. She breathed slowly as she let herself get used to the sensations she was feeling. Buck's breath was warm on her neck and she could feel him behind her and his stocking feet were stretched out past her own bare feet. She smiled as she laid the bottoms of her feet against his legs and he squeezed her.

"Buck? We fell asleep." Jane whispered while she slowly stroked his hand.

"No. You did. I gave up." Buck said sleepily not moving.

Jane smiled. "Gave up?"

"Trying to wake you or get my arm back." Buck said as he slowly opened his eyes.

Jane laughed lightly, "Should I apologize?"

"No. I liked it. I never got to do this before and it was special." Buck shifted slightly so he was in a more sitting position and brought Jane with him. He took his free hand and began to stroke her hair, "I like holding you, Jane. I liked being able to spend the night with you."

Jane blushed and said softly, "I'm glad you can't see my face right now."

Buck smiled and brushed her hair away and could see the red on her neck and lightly ran his finger over the warmth. "How do I get out of here without ruining your reputation?"

Jane sat up at that and walked over to the window and looked out nervously. She could see the town already waking up and coming to life. She turned her back around her eyes wide and said, "I don't know if we can."

"Jane, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stayed."

Jane stepped back to the sofa and laid a hand on Buck's arm. "It's ok. I'm glad you stayed and maybe I have an idea."

Buck saw Jane's eyes twinkling and was suddenly reminded of Lou and got nervous. "What?"

"Saturday's we're supposed to rest and study. What if I packed us a picnic from last night's dinner and we went on a picnic and you taught me to shoot. Well better." Jane said with a smile

"At all." Buck teased

"Where are you two headed on this lovely day?" Mr. Hayes asked as Buck and Jane stepped onto the street.

Jane smiled, "Picnic in the glade."

"That sounds fun. Will we be seeing you at the social Jane?" Mr. Hayes asked

"Yes." Jane said and slipped her hand into the crook of Buck's arm. "Buck just asked me."

"Oh." Mr. Hayes said then cleared his throat. "Oh, um, I see. How, um, oh."

Buck stood very still and watched the man try to keep his composure.

"Oh dear, is that Mrs. Hayes calling? Better run." Mr. Hayes said and turned quickly headed down the street.

Buck slid his hand into Jane's and said as they walked towards the woods at the edge of town, "Your reputation may never be repaired now."

"Why?"

"Bad enough you're friends with me but, now you're going off privately with me and to the social with me."

"So?"

"I'm Kiowa. An Indian, that's seen as pretty bad to a lot of people."

"Well I don't care. You're my friend and I'll happily go anywhere with you."

Buck laughed "Your parents would be proud."

Jane squeezed Buck's hand and they walked the rest of the way in silence.


	11. Chapter 11

Buck and Jane set out a blanket in an open spot high on a hill over looking the town. "It's kinda like where I shot at you from." Jane said teasingly

"I'm glad you're such a crack shot."

Buck laughed when Jane jokingly threw a small dirt clod at him. "Be careful." He warned. "I fight back."

"I remember." Jane said with a slight blush and a smile.

"You remember huh?" Buck said and ran at Jane causing her to run away. Buck chased her through the grass the two laughing like little kids until he caught her with one arm and swung around until she was pressed up against him.

Jane slid her arms around Buck's neck. "You caught me. What are you gonna do with me?"

Buck felt his head lowering to kiss her. He watched as she licked her lips and looked at him carefully. _Not yet._ He told himself. He closed his eyes and cursed himself and then said, "Run." And he let go of Jane and ran so she had to catch him.

He was laughing as he ran until he felt a hard thump on his back followed by a surprisingly heavy weight. Turning his head, he saw Jane wrapped around him and laughing, "Hey it worked!" she said surprised

"You jumped on me?!" Buck said surprised and impressed.

"Figured I can't outrun you so I need to out think you."

Buck crouched down so Jane could slide back to the ground. "You're very smart. Almost scarily so."

Jane laughed and took his hand as they walked back to the blanket.

"Jane, before I go back to Sweetwater, I want to make sure you're ok."

"You've been doing that Buck. Helping repair the store. Being my friend, spending time with me and helping me through some of the worst parts of dealing with what happened." Jane looked down at her lap and said in a whisper, "Helping me grow up more."

Buck smiled, "You've been helping me grow up too." Buck swallowed hard as he found his finger gently stroking down the side of her face. "I'm thinking about things I never did before or at least in ways I didn't used to." Buck lifted Jane's chin so they were looking into each other's eyes. "You're important to me Jane and I'm already worried about you being here alone and I haven't left yet."

Jane swallowed and nodded, "I don't like thinking about you leaving but I know you have your real life to get back to."

"You're my real life too Jane. Don't ever doubt that."

"Really?"

"Really. It's why I want to teach you to fight to defend yourself and to shoot accurately. I'll never forgive myself if something happens to you because I wasn't here. Will you let me teach you?" Buck asked nervously.

"Sure." Jane said curious what he would show her. Over the next few hours she and Buck shot his gun several dozen times and then he showed her how to throw his knife. For all of these Buck would stand behind her and wrap his arms around her to place her body, arms and hands in the right positions. Jane wasn't sure if she enjoyed the learning as much as the teaching.

Finally, she had seemed to get the knack of both and then Buck said, "Now I want you to attack me."

"What?"

"Take the knife and try to hurt me."

"I can't"

"I'll stop you Jane. I want you to learn this too."

Jane's eyes got huge, "You want me to be able to beat someone up who has a knife?"

"Not beat them up but to be able to get away from them. It might not be a knife either." He added remembering Lou and her bruises from Lambert.

Jane nodded hearing Buck's voice change and knowing that this was serious to him. She picked the knife up and held it up near her shoulder and walked up behind Buck and suddenly she found herself down on the ground and the knife gone. "How'd you do that?"

Buck smiled, "Ready to learn?"

Jane nodded as Buck grabbed her wrist and waist and showed her slowly how he had gotten rid of the knife and knocked her feet out from under her and laid her on the ground. "I want to try!" Jane said excitedly.

After several spectacular failures Jane managed to get the stick out of Buck's hand but still couldn't move quite fast enough in her skirts to knock him down and get away. He always managed to get her underneath him, which he hated to admit to enjoying.

"Ok let's try something different." Buck said

"Your skirts keep getting in the way and if you're in town you'll have them on so pants are not an option." Jane smiled at that. "You got creative before, do it again." Buck said simply.

Jane stepped away and looked at Buck then thought for a few moments and said, "Buck, I think I could do it if it weren't you. But I can't because it is you."

"What's that mean."

"I can see a way out but you would be in a lot of pain and I don't want to hurt you."

"Tell me then."

"Bite your hand, step down with my heal on your toes and then lift my knee straight up."

Buck's hands automatically went down and covered himself at the mention of an attack on his sensitive areas. "Yeah that might work. Jane just promise me to keep fighting and screaming. Someone will hear you."

"I promise. Now can we please do something fun."

"Anything you want."

"Anything?"

"Sure."

"Well there is something that's been on my mind lately." Jane said and nibbled on her bottom lip.

"What?"

"I want you to kiss me."

"You want me to what?"

"Kiss me." Jane said and licked her lips

"You're too young Jane."

"No, I'm not. Most of the girls I was in school with are getting married this spring or summer. Daddy even began talking about having to start looking for a husband for me soon."

"Your father wouldn't want you with someone like me."

"I want to be with you though."

"Jane." Buck said as he felt a war fighting inside himself. He wanted to kiss her, hell if he was honest he wanted to do more than that. She just lost her family and was vulnerable though and he'd promised Teaspoon. She was a part of his heart he couldn't deny that.

"Was it wrong of me to ask Buck?"

Buck shook himself from his warring thoughts and desires. "No. I want to be honest with you Jane." Buck said and took her hand. "I want to kiss you. I want to be your first kiss, your last kiss and every kiss in between but what if I hurt you, or who we are makes us too different, or …"

Jane smiled, "Buck there are a million or's out there. But only one way to know for sure." Then jane leaned forward and touched her lips lightly to Buck's. "Oh" she said as they broke apart.

Buck's hands slid up into her hair and cupped her head. "I think we need to try that again." He said huskily and lowered his mouth slowly to hers. He felt a surge shoot through him at the contact and added some pressure. Jane moaned under the added pressure and Buck opened his mouth over hers. Slowly he let the tip of his tongue trace her lips and she opened her mouth to him. Very slowly and gently Buck slid just the tip of his tongue into Jane's mouth and found it tasted like warm honey. Slowly he moved his tongue across her teeth and she relaxed and opened for him. He slid his tongue further into her mouth and found her tongue. He touched it lightly with his and felt her gasp. He pulled back and ended the kiss, afraid he had gone too far.

"Buck?" Jane said breathlessly after a moment.

Buck took her hand and led her to the picnic blanket. "Was it ok?"

"I never felt anything like that." Jane said and gently laid a finger on her lips. She looked at Buck and then traced his mouth with her finger, Buck kissed it. "Oh my."

"Jane? You ok?"

"I've never felt all those feelings all at once before. I don't even know what some of those feelings were. Buck did your tongue go in my mouth?"

Buck nodded

"I liked that. You made my spine shiver when you did that."

"Really?"

"Here look." Jane said and rolled up her sleeve, "I still have gooseflesh."

Buck ran a finger over Jane's arm and watched as her eyes shut at his touch and she leaned into it. "You do to me what I do to you." Buck said and moved his hair aside and let her feel the bumps on the back of his neck.

"Is that always true?"

"Pretty much. Why? What are you thinking Jane."

"I didn't know what to do when you were kissing me. I didn't know what was ok and what wasn't. You need to teach me Buck."

Buck smiled and blushed, "I don't have too much more experience than you do Jane. But when you're with me you can be free. If something feels right do it. If I don't like it I'll tell you but you have to do the same."

"I always liked the game monkey see monkey do." Jane said teasingly

"Oh really?" Buck said with a wide grin " Then come here you monkey and lets see what we can see and do."


	12. Chapter 12

Sunday just before sunset Buck walked over to Jane's and knocked on her door and then let himself in. "Jane." He called as he walked up the stairs.

"I'm up here." Jane called from her room. "I'm almost ready I just have to…darn it!"

Buck smiled at the sound of her voice. "You ok?"

"Hopefully." Jane said frustration sounding in her voice

Buck stood in the front room and looked up at the stairs. "I never knew getting dressed to be a dangerous activity."

"Dressed no. Jewelry yes."

Buck smiled, "Do you need a hand?"

"More like a different elbow but yeah could you help me?" Jane asked sighing dramatically.

Buck laughed and headed for the stairs and slowly walked up them. "Is it ok if I come in?"

"It's not the first time you've been in here with me Buck." Jane said from her dressing table. She reached out and handed him the necklace she'd been fighting with. "Daddy gave this to Mama on their wedding day."

Buck carefully fingered the thing gold, "It's beautiful." He stepped behind Jane and reached around her carefully lowering the necklace down onto her throat and fumbled for a few seconds but affixed the clasp. Buck then carefully lifted her hair so it wasn't caught under the chain and then laid it down again gently on her shoulders.

Jane gently touched the chain and then looked up into the mirror as Buck placed his hands lightly on her shoulders and smoothed the bright blue fabric of her dress down her arms to her elbows. "Does it look ok?"

"Beautiful." Buck said as he stepped around to stand beside her. "You are beautiful Jane." He kneeled down so their heads were the same height and leaned in slowly and kissed her lightly. Jane twined her arms around Bucks neck and fingered his ponytail.

"You look very handsome." She said and smoothed out his tie once the kiss ended. She left her hands laying lightly on his chest. Buck slowly took her hands in his and brought them up to his mouth and kissed her fingers.

"Should we go join the others for dinner?"

Buck, Jane, Teaspoon, Amanda and Hack all had dinner together at the hotel and then walked down the street to the town square where the social was just getting started. Buck kept Jane's hand tucked in his elbow the whole time they walked.

Once the music began Buck and Jane danced together and Amanda and Hack. Then Amanda danced with Teaspoon while Buck and Jane danced together again. Then Teaspoon and Buck switched partners and then the women returned to their original partners.

Teaspoon stood off to the side and watched Buck with Jane and wondered how much longer he'd have his calmest rider. As these thoughts were running through his head Amanda and Hack stepped over with glasses of punch. The three were commenting on how good the two looked together when they saw the Reverand approach Buck and Jane. Amanda placed a hand on Teaspoon's arm. "This could be bad."

"Young Jane." The Reverand said stepping up to the couple. "Might I have a word?"

Jane shut her eyes for a second and then slid her hand into Buck's, "Of course Reverand."

The Reverand looked Buck up and down a look of distaste on his face, "privately."

Buck began to step away but Jane squeezed his hand. "Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of Buck."

The Reverand blinked but then nodded, "Jane your father was a good man. It does not do to dishonor his memory to behave in this manner."

"I'm attending a church social with a group of friends. One of whom is our own Deputy."

"Another is a prostitute and you are overly familiar with a half-breed."

Jane's eyes flashed angrily and her cheeks went scarlet, "Miss O'Connell is a business owner, same as I am. Buck Cross," Jane put extra emphasis on Buck's last name, "is as good a Christian as I am."

"The bible warns us of heathens and whores young Jane. You need to follow the wisdom of your elders and those who run the church. We are looking out for your best interest."

"Reverand, the bible says to treat all people as we ourselves would like to be treated. It also quotes Jesus Christ as saying, "Suffer the little children to come unto me." And at NO point did Christ say only those who were white or only those who swear to follow me or only the males. Jesus Christ loved all the children regardless, which means he loves all people. And Running Buck Cross is a person. He will be treated good Christian dignity and respect by you of all people or Reverand I would strongly recommend that you." At this Jane stepped very close to the Reverand, "Remove yourself from the pulpit and go back to school and relearn the bible and it's teachings."

"You are being very uncharitable to good advice young Jane." The Reverand said stepping backwards.

"And you are being unchristian which is a bad thing for a Reverand to be." Jane turned on her heel and walked away.

Buck walked silently with Jane and was quickly joined by Teaspoon, Amanda and Hack. Hack whispered quietly to Teaspoon and Buck, "Her father always said the day she lost her temper we'd be lucky if the town was left standing."

Buck nodded and then stepped up to where Jane had stopped and quietly laid a hand on Jane's shoulder. "Jane?"

Jane didn't respond for several heartbeats then turned and he could see she was fighting to regain her temper. Buck didn't say anything just gave her space.

"Jane?" Amanda said softly, "Will you help me? My haircomb fell out."

Jane nodded and walked with Amanda outside.

Amanda handed Jane the comb once they were outside and sat on a bench and said, "I'm impressed. I've wanted to tell that horses backside off for a while. But I never would have even thought of quoting the bible back to him."

Jane paused in her ministrations with Amanda's hair and leaned around and said, "I did that?"

"You also told him to get off the pulpit and actually read the bible."

Jane laughed, "OH dear." She finished Amanda's hair and then sat down on the bench next to Amanda.

"What caused that? I mean we all know what kinda small minded person he is but I've never seen you even blink fiercely before."

"He hurt someone that I …" Jane paused and then said the last in a small voice, "love."


	13. Chapter 13

The next morning Jane joined Amanda and Hack to see Buck and Teaspoon off. She had been up most of the night writing and re-writing a letter to Buck. She hoped he would read it and understand how she felt. Her nerves and lack of sleep had her feeling jumpy.

She hugged Teaspoon and was surprised when he said quietly, "You're part of our family now. You need anything you let us know and we'll come." Jane felt a tear trickle down her cheek, "Now none of that" he said and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you for everything Teaspoon." Jane said "I'm really going to miss you."

"I suspect you'll be coming up to visit us soon enough."

Jane smiled and watched as he turned to Amanda. She looked up and there was Buck standing in front of her. "Hi." She whispered her voice cracking

Buck placed his hands on her shoulders and leaned down so he was talking into her hair, "I'll be back Jane. I promise. I don't know when but I'm not leaving you forever. If this is your home then I'm coming back."

"I wrote you something." Jane said softly and slid her hand inside his vest and placed the note into his inside pocket. "I wanted you to know how I feel." She laid a hand over his heart.

Buck's hands slid down Jane's arms and he ached to kiss her one last time. "I hope that we feel the same." He whispered to her as he looked in her eyes.

"Me too." Jane said and impetuously reached around and hugged him. She laid her head against his chest and placed a kiss where her hand had just been. Buck smoothed down her hair as he held her close, his eyes closed trying to remember every second of this hug.

"Buck." He heard Teaspoon behind, "It's time to go son."

Buck looked over at Amanda who quietly placed a hand on Jane's back and arm as Buck stepped away. Buck got on his horse and then looked at Jane, "I'm coming back." He said and then followed Teaspoon down the street and off towards home.

That night as Teaspoon and Buck sat by the fire Buck pulled the letter Jane had written out of his pocket. He held the carefully folded paper in his hands and turned it over and over.

"What do you have there son?" Teaspoon asked

"Jane gave me a letter this morning. I'm afraid to read it. What if it says something I don't want to hear."

"After the way she defended you last night? Unless you're not ready to tell that girl how you feel about her I can't imagine what could be bad in that letter. She's already told her whole town how she feels about you, quite clearly." Teaspoon said with a slight chuckle remembering how Jane took on the Reverand.

"I love her Teaspoon. That's not a question but no I haven't told her. I don't want to move to fast and hurt her or scare her."

"You're doing right by her now stop torturing yourself and see what that young lady has to say."

Buck smiled and opened the letter to find Jane's neat, exact penmanship. He felt his heart beat a little faster as he looked at her words and he hadn't even read them yet. He took a breath and then read to himself.

_Dear Buck,_

_You haven't even left yet and already I miss you. I can't imagine what home is going to be like without you here. I love talking to you and go on walks and learning how to shoot and even protect myself. Of course, I think I love all those things because I'm doing them with you._

_Sometimes, I wonder if I should have just given up the shop and gone with you to Sweetwater. But Benton has been my home since I was born. I need to try to make a go of this for Mama and Daddy. Anyway, what would I do with all those books?_

_I hope to see you for your birthday. I've begun making a present for you but, if I don't I'll hold onto it until you and I are able to see each other and I'll give it to you then. I know, I'm mean for teasing you and not telling you what I'm making. I bet if you think about some of our conversations though you might get a good idea, but I hope some of it will still be a surprise to you._

_I am going to keep having my Friday night dinners. When I pray for Mama and Daddy I'm also going to pray that you're safe. Though I hope I hear from you and that way I might actually know that you are safe. Please tell me about all of your friends too. They will also be in my prayers because anyone that is important to you is important to me._

_Always Yours,_

_Jane_

Carefully Buck folded the letter and placed it back in his pocket where Jane had put it. He couldn't tell how he was feeling. There were parts of the letter that made him want to laugh and parts that made him sad, the letter sounded just like her and he felt as if he were nearly there with her.

"Good letter?"

Buck nodded afraid to trust his voice


	14. Chapter 14

_Dear Jane,_

_How are you? I'm sorry this is so long in coming. I started writing as soon as we got home but we found out we had to move. I miss seeing you every day. I wish you were here for me to talk with there are so many things I want to say to you. Things I find easier to understand when I talk about them with you._

_We moved and are no longer in Sweetwater. However, things got really busy with Kid and Jimmy setting up our new station in Rock Creek, Nebraska. Which is a lot closer to you, almost directly north. If I'm really lucky I'll get some downtime soon and be able to come down and see you._

_But I was telling you about what happened here. So, Kid and Jimmy left to set up Rock Creek Station. The rest of us were packing everything up and still doing all of our regular runs plus extra runs for the Army cause of this war that's coming (more about that in a minute). Then we had to get all of the horses and everything we own from Sweetwater to Rock Creek. It took us about a week to get there. Everyone was getting antsy at having to ride so slowly. Rachel would take a walk with Teaspoon every evening after dinner, they said it was to get away from our constant bickering._

_Well, we finally got there and we had to immediately get everything set up because we had runs already waiting for us and the town was in need of a Marshall and deputies. So, Teaspoon was made Marshall and he swore us all un as temporary deputies so that he could put us to work whenever he needed us. Well, I'll just say it's been interesting so far._

_Living in Rock Creek in some ways is a lot like life in Benton. We're located in town so everything is right here which is nice and makes things so much easier and faster. It's also a lot noisier too, Benton tends to quiet down at night but Rock Creek seems to like to stay awake. I'll be honest with you, I've never said this to the others though, I preferred Sweetwater. It was away from all the people and the clear open spaces were welcoming. There was space to think and breathe there. Here there's always people and noise. Would you ever want to live away from town?_

_You asked what you would do with all of your books if you were to come to Sweetwater, well Rock Creek now. Bring them with you would be my thought. At least some of them, they tell your story and your parents story. You said your people honored each other by telling the stories of the ones who came before, your books help you tell your stories. You need them so that you can keep passing on those stories in the future._

_I don't know exactly when my birthday is. I know I was born in the early spring. There was still snow but flowers were just starting to poke up. My mother pointed once to a small flower near where our camp was and told me she had seen that flower the morning I came. If I had to guess I think it's March or maybe April. I don't know a date though. The Kiowa count time differently than the white's so it's a little confusing sometimes. I've never really celebrated my birthday, Ike always tries to do something though._

_I want to write more but I also want to get this sent to you so I can hear back from you. I miss you Jane._

_Yours Always,_

_Buck_


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Buck,

I was so happy to get your letter. I admit I was beginning to think you forgot about me but Amanda promised me you weren't like that. I've been keeping your letter close to me day and night so that I feel like you are always with me. Is that silly?

I understand what you mean about talking to you being easier. I have so many things I think about and things I feel and I don't always understand them all. When we were together I would talk with you and somehow it would all just make sense. Now sometimes when I'm alone I pretend I'm talking to you so I don't feel so alone or to work my way through some of these things.

I've never lived any place but this house. I never even thought about living any place but Benton. But the way you talk about raising horses and having a farm and the way you describe the land, it sounds beautiful. I think I would be happy anywhere with you.

Are Rachel and Teaspoon courting? Do old people do that? Daddy never wanted a second wife after Mama but I know some men do.

Do you all still live in a bunkhouse in your new home? What about Rachel what's her home like? What are the people in Rock Creek like are they nice or more like the small minded Reverand we have here.

I'm glad you like my stories. I'm really glad you understand how important they are to me. When I have kids I want them to know my stories and their father's families stories. It's important I think. Daddy always said we didn't need all of Mama's books since we had our stories told so many times we all knew them by heart but Mama had insisted she needed her books and so when I was growing up Daddy would tell me her stories the way she told them to him using her books. Just the way I told them to you, just like I want to tell them to my children. I wish I could read the funny words in her books though.

Did you know that throughout history there have been lots of different calendars. The calendar that we use now is very new and it follows the sun but some of the oldest calendars followed either the seasons or the moon. That's why holidays in different places seem to fall on different days. Daddy taught me this, he said back in Russia there were still people who followed a whole different calendar because they were believers of the Partriarchia, it's a whole different type of Christian, Daddy's family stayed away from them he said. Will you teach me about the Kiowa calendar?

I had a funny conversation the other day with Amanda. Two of her girls are interested in starting a business sewing dresses and men's suits. They need a place to work and since I'm not getting much business now she thought maybe I could rent them some space. What do you think?

I miss you Buck.

All my love,

Jane

Dear Jane,

I was so happy to get your letter. Ike hasn't stopped teasing me about the grin on my face. I keep your first letter in my pocket right where you put it so it's always with me close to my heart. You second letter is under my pillow so I have you close to me in my dreams.

If I wasn't constantly surrounded I'd probably be talking to you too but there's so many people here I'm lucky if I can get a few minutes in to pray. So no, I don't think it's silly at all. In fact, I envy you, your ability to have those quiet moments to think and reflect.

I hope one day soon to show you the beauty and peace that can be had by living away from town. Having space to watch the wild donkeys run and let the horses graze without having to worry about neighbors and fences and a thousand other things. To be able to see the whole horizon from east to west uninterrupted except for an occasional tree. To see the magnificent beauty of a sunrise as it paints the entire sky before you without being chopped up by buildings or the warmth of a fiery sunset as it sinks down with only a mountain to obscure anything.

I don't think Rachel and Teaspoon are courting. I never asked but then again Teaspoon has been married six times so I wouldn't put anything past him when it comes to beautiful women and Rachel is beautiful. I'm not entirely sure but I think Lou and Kid might be getting interested in each other again. Something happened on their last run and they're acting differently to each other.

Let's see yes we are all still in a bunkhouse, the layout is pretty similar but Lou has a small alcove now so she gets a little privacy which she's very happy about. Actually, all of us are, it's not easy for a bunch of men to live with a woman. Teaspoon and Jesse are living in the tack room and Rachel does still have her own house and it's a little smaller than Emma's but it's really nice.

Jesse! I have to tell you about him. Lou found him on a run and we kind of adopted him. We have a way of doing that. His brother is somewhere doing something, not legal, so Teaspoon is trying to steer Jesse to the right path. He's got a hard road before him but he managed to get Jimmy to stop looking for a fight every 15 minutes so anything is possible. Actually Jesse is a lot like Jimmy used to be, might be why Teaspoon likes him so much. I once heard Teaspoon tell Emma that Jimmy reminded him an awful lot of himself once upon a time.

I like the idea of you helping Amanda's girls get started trying to start a new business but please be careful. Your reputation isn't doing too well because of me, spending time with Amanda's girls isn't likely to help it. Knowing you though you're not going to worry about that. You're more concerned with doing what's right than what the town thinks is right. Just one of the things I love about you.

I do you know. I do love you Jane. I miss you and I want to be together with you, forever.

Love,

Buck


	16. Chapter 16

Jane looked down at the envelope confused. This wasn't Buck's handwriting. She felt a scared ball of nerves form in her stomach as she ran over to Amanda's. She knocked on the door to Amanda's private room.

"Who is it?" Amanda called out

"It's Jane. I need to see you. Please." Jane's voice cracked on the last word and she felt her eyes begin to burn.

The door opened and Amanda pulled Jane inside. "What's wrong honey?"

Jane held out the letter, "It just came. Somethings wrong. I know it."

Amanda looked at the letter for a moment and then squeezed Jane's hand. "Let's sit down and read it together." She led Jane to a pair of upholstered wing chairs by the window and sat.

Jane stood nervously holding the letter, turning it over and over in her hands. She looked at Amanda and sat heavily. She swallowed and felt a lump in her throat. Her fingers shaking she opened the letter.

Dear Jane,

I don't know if you remember me. I'm a friend of Buck's. He's not doing well right now and I think he needs you. Ike was shot and died and Buck is in a lot of pain. Please let us know if you can come.

Lou

"Oh god." Jane said and dropped the letter and covered her mouth with her hands. She felt both grateful and shattered at the same time. She remembered Ike clearly and she knew just how close he and Buck were. She knew the pain he was in but couldn't help but be glad that it wasn't Buck who was dead.

Amanda bent and picked up the letter. She turned her head as tears rolled down her cheeks. She remembered Ike and how he'd shown her the donkeys and been so proud to dance with her. How his face would completely change when he would smile and how pure his heart was.

"I need to go." Jane said standing

"Next stage is tomorrow." Amanda said not moving. "I can't go away again so soon." She said almost to herself. She turned and looked at Jane. "Hack and I will take care of your place. Pack what you can. Whatever you leave we'll pack up and store for you. We'll rent out your apartment if you want and you already have the girls renting the store. You need to go to Buck."

"Thank you Amanda." Jane said and hugged her friend. "I don't know what I'd have done without you."

"Go you've got a lot to do and very little time."

Jane nodded and turned and headed out the door as Amanda sat down and looked out the window and remembered dancing in the arms of a sweet silent man.

A few days later the stage came to a bouncing stop in Rock Creek. Jane climbed out and blinked in the bright light and stretched happily. She looked around hopefully but, didn't see anyone she recognized. She noticed the Marshall's office across the street and remembered Buck telling her that Teaspoon was the Marshall here and knew where her first stop would be.

"Your bags Miss." The man who had rode shot gun said as he grabbed them down and placed her bags on the ground.

"Is it possible for you to take them to the Express Station?" Jane asked hopefully.

"Sure. Miss Rachel's house?"

"Please." Jane said though she wasn't really sure. "Thank you." Jane added before slipping off across the street and looking through the window of the Marshall's office. She saw Teaspoon sitting at the desk across from the cell's and smiled at his relaxed attitude, feet on the desk, hat pulled down over his eyes.

Smiling Jane knocked at the door before entering.

"Come in." Teaspoon called without moving.

"Hello Teaspoon." Jane said softly.

Teaspoon's chair tipped slightly further backward and Jane was afraid he might fall over but smiled when he turned smoothly and popped his hat onto the desk. "Jane?" He asked hopefully as he stood up and walked toward her, "I don't know how you knew to come but I'm glad you're here." Teaspoon said as he wrapped Jane in a bear hug.

When he let her go Jane asked, "So it's true?"

"I'm afraid so darlin'"

Jane's hands went to her mouth and covered it tightly. She could only hurt for Buck and his friends. "I'm so sorry Teaspoon. He was such a good man."

"Yeah he was. Buck's having a real hard time right now. Do you think you can talk with him?"

Jane gave a small half smile, "Whatever he needs Teaspoon. It's why I'm here."

"I know Jane. C'mon I'll show you where to find him." Teaspoon said as he led Jane over to the barn. "I know you're not a great rider but do you think you can manange a short ride?"

"I followed Pike. I can find Buck." Jane said confidently

"I knew I liked your spunky attitude. Now let's get you a gently horse." Teaspoon looked over the horses and picked a red roan with a white strip down her flank. "This is Berry. She's calm and sweet and will take good care of you." Teaspoon quickly got Berry saddled and helped Jane mount up. "All right take this road out of town and then follow it about 2 miles. It'll turn to the left, when it does that just keep going straight. That'll take you up the mountain. Buck's been up there a lot lately praying, I expect that's where you'll find him."

"I'll find him Teaspoon. I promise." Jane said and kicked Berry just hard enough for her to lift her head. Jane blushed and Teaspoon smacked Berry's rump and Berry began trotting off down the rode. Jane turned and waved and then turned back.

In less time than Jane had assumed it would take she found the turn and kept Berry going straight and found herself heading up through a wooded path. It was as though all of Buck's words had come to life in front of her. She could understand easily why he talked of living away from town and smiled happily. Suddenly the trees stopped and there was just a clearing in front of her.

Jane slid off of Berry and stood silently, Buck was sitting silently feet in front of her not moving, barely even breathing, he had a few things laid out in front of him a bible, a red kerchief, a folded paper and his hands were wrapped tightly around his medicine pouch. As quietly as she could Jane tied Berry to a tree and then stepped from the tree line and onto the grass. She expected Buck to turn but he didn't. Jane was surprised because Buck was always so aware of everything around him. Jane slowly walked over to him waiting for him to hear her and to look her way.

Finally, when she was an arm's length away she said softly, "Buck."

Startled Buck jumped to a crouched position his knife in his hand aimed at Jane. Jane put her hands up and stepped back. "J-Jane?" Buck asked blinking

"Buck, could you put down the knife."

The knife fell from Buck's hand as he reached forward towards Jane. She stepped to him. Buck was on his knees and his arms wrapped around her waist, "Oh." He said softly when he felt her tiny form. He pulled her tight against him and pressed his face into her stomach. Jane bent slightly and held Buck close. She felt Buck slowly begin to shake against her as she stroked his soft hair.

"I'm here now Buck. I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this together. I promise." Jane whispered her hands gently soothing him as the tears and pain he'd been holding down deep inside escaped him. "We'll be ok now." Jane repeated softly as she began to rock softly and held Buck as tight to her as she could. She could feel the warmth of his tears through the layers of her dress and knew that he'd been holding this in for a while, just as she had. "I have you Buck." Jane whispered again as she combed her fingers through his hair.

After a few moments, Buck lifted his head, "How?"

Jane smiled and said, "Can we sit?"

Buck laughed and stood and took her hand and walked with her to the shade of a tree, he sat down and leaned against the tree and brought Jane down beside him. She sat curled into his side, their fingers entwined. "Lou wrote me. I was so scared to get a letter from Rock Creek that wasn't your handwriting I made Amanda read it with me."

Buck squeezed her fingers, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have scared you like that."

"You were lost in your pain. I understand."

Buck nodded slowly remembering how he'd held her when they'd first met and she'd given over to the grief of her father's death finally and then again when she had to see the actual place he'd died. Buck wrapped his arms tight around her. "You've had to live through this twice now. How do you keep going?"

"Mama died when I was 6 Buck. I didn't really understand. I was sad but, it was different." Jane paused, "Daddy though," Jane's eyes shut and she felt them burning with unshed tears as she remembered. "It's like there's a whole in my heart the exact size and shape of my father. No matter what happens in my life, that whole will always be there."

Jane bit her lip and looked at Buck thoughtfully, "However, just like in nature you can build a bridge over a whole, and that's what you've become in my heart. A bridge pulling me back together and showing me that it's possible to continue and to move forward and to be happy, even though I will always be looking down at that whole and see what is missing I'm just a little bit removed from it now and I feel a little safer."

"Jane, I'm angry and sad and hurt all the time. I want to be with people but as soon as I am I want to be alone." Buck said confused

"Because you want to be with Ike. It's not people, it's a specific person and your heart keeps looking for that person and when it doesn't find it you need to escape." Jane said softly.

Buck opened his mouth and then shut it again.

"I was so angry for so long." Jane said and laid a hand on Buck's chest over his heart. "I left everything to go and chase Pike. I needed revenge. I didn't have a clue what I was doing but I was going to do it because I had too many emotions. Who are you most mad at?"

Buck lowered his head and shut his eyes. He couldn't lie to Jane and he didn't want to say the true answer. Jane placed a finger under his chin and turned his head to look at her. "I already know the answer Buck."

Buck just nodded, "Why did he do it? Why did he push Emily out of the way? Why did he step in the way of that bullet?" tears ran unashamedly down his cheeks.

Jane ran her thumbs across his cheeks and then kissed him very lightly. "I don't know Emily and I only met Ike once but Ike was your brother which means he was a good man and probably a decent amount like you. I'm going to guess that he had feelings for Emily. He may even have loved her. You never would have allowed anything to happen to me, even the first day we met you would have protected me."

"I love you Jane."

Jane raised an eyebrow at Buck but said nothing.

"Would you like to meet Emily?"

"I'd love to." Jane said

"I think I owe her an apology. I've been mad at her and a little mean I think." Buck suddenly yawned.

"When was the last time you slept through the night?"

"Um?"

"That long?"

"Well…."

"Lay down Buck." Jane said and when he did she laid down next to him and pulled his head onto her lap and began to stroke his head slowly while she quietly hummed. "Rest for a little bit and then we can go back to town, I think some good sleep will help you now as much as anything else would."

"How long are you staying Jane?"

"As long as you need me."

"And if I need you for the rest of our lives?"

"Then I will stay with you forever."


	17. Chapter 17

The sun was just setting when Buck and Jane rode into the station. Buck got off of his horse and took Berry's reins from Jane and tied both horses to the post in front of the bunkhouse.

"They can stay here while we have dinner." Buck said as he lifted his hands to help Jane off of Berry. "I'll bring them over to the stable later."

"Buck is that the best idea?"

"No. But I want to get you in and have dinner with you and if we're late Cody will have eaten everything." Buck said as he held Jane to him a moment longer than he had to. He slid his hand into hers. "They'll be alright for an hour." Buck promised.

Jane looked up at him and shook her head but walked with him into the bunkhouse.

"There you two are." Teaspoon called out. "I was beginning to think I'd have to send Barnett to find you." Everyone laughed at that.

Jane looked at Buck blankly and he leaned down and whispered, "Barnett can't find his way out of a jail cell." Jane covered her mouth as she giggled. Buck walked Jane over to Rachel and said quietly, "Rachel, this is Jane. Can she stay with you?"

"Of course. I'm glad you're here. " She said and gave Jane a quick one armed hug. "Go on and sit down. I'm just putting dinner out."

"Thank you." Jane said softly as she looked around at the faces of Buck's family. Buck still holding her hand walked her over to a spot on the bench and sat beside her.

"Son, you need to let go of her hand at some point or she'll never be able to eat." Teaspoon whispered loudly. And Jane blushed brightly as Buck gently placed her hand on her lap.

Everyone talked over each other as they ate and Jane mostly just watched and listened having never really been around this many people before at one meal. Buck kept looking at her as they were eating and though he was joking and talking with the others his free hand was laid discretely on her knee the whole meal and Jane would occasionally lower her hand and touch his long fingers or trace his knuckle or just simply rest her hand lightly on top of his so he knew she appreciated his quiet attention to her.

As the meal ended and the riders began heading out to do evening chores, Jane stood and said softly, "Miss Rachel? May I help you?"

"I would appreciate that but please just call me Rachel."

Jane quickly gathered up dishes and when her arms were loaded followed Rachel over to her house to begin washing.

"I'm real glad you're here." Rachel said as they entered the kitchen. "I think we all are. This is the first meal since Ike passed that Buck has talked more than a few words."

Jane smiled slightly, "I'm glad. I didn't want him to be alone. I know how close him and Ike are….um….were."

Rachel nodded as she began to hand Jane wet dishes to dry and stack. "Buck told us all you'd been through when he returned from Benton."

Jane gripped the edge of the plate and stammered, "What?"

"Your mother passing and being raised by your father and then everything that happened to him. He was so impressed with how determined you were to honor your parents and try to run their business. Are you going to try and make a go of it here in Rock Creek?" Rachel explained.

Jane let out a deep breath and then said, "I might. I brought my tools and supplies with me, I didn't know how long I'd be here or what my next step would be. All I knew was that Buck was in pain and I needed to go to him, so I did."

Rachel paused at the sink and didn't say anything for a moment just held the dish she was washing still in the water. She turned slowly, "Jane? How young were you when your mother passed?"

"Six. Why?"

Rachel put the dish down and stepped over to the table, "I want to ask you a few questions if I may, though I know we just met."

Jane nodded and walked to the table and sat down in one of the hard wood chairs. She suddenly had the nervous bubbling in her stomach like when she had forgotten to do her assignments for school. "Have I done something wrong?"

"Not at all." Said Rachel as she sat across from the young woman. "How do you feel towards Buck?"

"I love him. I think he loves me too." Jane said honestly

"What have you two talked about for the future?"

"Nothing specific, he asked me to stay, I said I would. He asked me to stay forever and I said ok." Jane shrugged

Rachel nodded and thought a moment, "How old are you?"

"15. I'll be 16 in 2 months."

"Jane do you know about babies?"

Jane giggled nervously. "A little. I didn't have any brothers or sisters but I helped rock the babies at church sometimes. Oh and Mrs. Mathias came down with a really bad influenza last winter so everyone spent time at her farm helping with her 4 children. Why?"

Rachel nervously rubbed her hands together and then asked, "Do you want me to explain to you where babies come from?"

"You mean how they get inside the mother?" Jane asked turning several shades of deep crimson.

Rachel nodded.

"No thank you." Jane whispered, "I'm not ready yet."

Rachel smiled, "That is an honest answer. When you are ready, if you would like, I can talk to you about it." Jane nodded and looked down at her lap embarrassed. "Do you want to go and say goodnight to Buck while I finish the last of these dishes?" Rachel asked feeling sorry for having put the young lady on the spot. Jane nodded and walked quietly out of the house.

On the porch, Jane saw Buck heading her way and waved and then suddenly embarrassed lowered her hand and sat on the swing. Seeing her, Buck hurried his step, as he got closer he realized something was wrong and leapt up onto the porch.

He kneeled in front of the swing. "Jane? What is it?"

"I think I embarrassed myself in front of Rachel. I think she won't let us be together. She'll say I'm not good enough for you." Jane bit her lip at the last word as tears began to well up in her eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

"She was asking me about us and I, I…" a tear slipped down Jane's cheek.

Buck sat on the bench next to Jane and wrapped himself around her crushing her to him. "Listen to me Jane. You and I are going to always be together. No one can stop that. Rachel isn't my mother. I love her but she's not my mother. Even if she was she couldn't stop me from being with you for the rest of my life."

"Are you sure?" Jane whispered. "I really embarrassed myself."

"I promise. Just tell me what happened."

Jane recounted the conversation for Buck and when she was done he smiled, "Jane she wasn't trying to come between us. She wanted to protect you. She wanted you to know…." Buck stopped afraid of going too far and embarrassing Jane.

Jane looked up at Buck curiously, "Know what?"

Buck took Jane's hand, "C'mon. We're gonna go look at the horses."

Jane was thoroughly confused as Buck walked with her to the stables. "Why are we looking at horses Buck?"

"Because they are kinda the same as humans and it's a lot less embarrassing to talk about what horses do." Buck said matter of factly.

Jane nodded but didn't say anything as Buck walked her over to Lightning, Lou's horse. He knelt down and pointed, "Take a look. See that." Jane looked underneath Lightnings belly and giggled.

Buck looked at Jane intrigued, "Haven't you ever looked under a horse, or a dog, or sheep?"

"Not really. Horses were always just there in town but I never had much use for them. Other animals weren't in town too much and when they were, I don't know, they didn't really interest me." Jane shrugged and this time Buck laughed.

Buck slid his hands around Jane's waist and led her to a large soft pile of hay and laid down on his side and let her lay near him. "Rachel was trying to help you understand, so you would know when to tell me to stop, that's all. She was just trying to protect you."

Jane nodded then asked, "So do you have an underbelly hanger?"

Buck put his hands in front of his face and rubbed, "All men do. Humans are smaller than horses so there's are smaller than a horses but they still have one."

Jane nodded and thought for a few moments and then it appeared like she was putting some things together. "That's why before I left Amanda told me to enjoy my time with you but not let you under my skirts."

Buck's eyes suddenly widened and his mouth dropped. He took a breath and held it and then slowly said, "Yeah. She and Rachel were thinking the same thing."

"That makes a lot more sense. I couldn't understand what you would want with my skirts. I was really confused for most of the stage ride up."

Buck laughed lightly, "I'm sure you were. Jane, you can ask me anything. I don't have anymore experience than you but I have learned a lot just from how I grew up."

Jane nodded, "Buck I told Rachel I wasn't ready to learn how babies got inside."

Buck nodded silently. He felt sad inside but sad nothing.

"The thing is," Jane paused and looked over her shoulder at the horses, "That wasn't really true. I just didn't want to talk about it with her."

Buck smiled and said softly, "This is gonna take a while, let's have a picnic one day and I'll see if I can explain."

Jane smiled and scooted forward into Buck's arms and kissed him. Buck smiled as her lips touched his and rolled Jane onto her back. He applied pressure with his lips and felt her mouth open under his. Slowly he slid his tongue into her mouth and ran it across her teeth and over her tongue. She moaned into his mouth and when she did that his body instantly responded, his hips pushed down on her hips his desire pushed into her and his arms tightened around her body. Jane pulled lightly on Buck's hair while simultaneously pushing his head down deeper into hers. The more he pushed down on her body the more she found her body responding to his. Her legs fell open under his weight getting tangled in her skirts as he lay over her.

"Buck? Jane? You in here?" Jimmy called, "Rachel's looking for Jane. She's worried."

Buck pulled back from Jane and put a finger over her lips, keeping her quiet. When he was sure Jimmy had left he pulled Jane up and walked her back to Rachel's. "I'll see you in the morning." Buck whispered and gave Jane a quick kiss.

Jane walked in the back door of the house.

Just before dawn Buck came up to Rachel's house and quietly knocked on the kitchen door. Rachel had just gotten up to start breakfast and the bread dough going for the day and was surprised to hear anyone knocking. Looking out the window she saw Buck and smiled.

"Buck," she said as she got downstairs and opened the door, "It's barely dawn. What are you doing here?"

"I was wondering if Jane would want to go for a walk with me before breakfast?"

No one had seen or heard Jane sneak down the stairs and sit on the landing. She smiled happily at Buck's request, "I'll be ready in just a minute." Jane said as she began running back upstairs.

Rachel laughed at Jane's obvious excitement at being asked on a walk. "Buck. Be careful. She's very innocent. More so than most girls. Her father most have been very protective of her."

"I know Rachel." Buck said as he walked into the kitchen and picked up Rachel's big kettle and placed it on the hook and started the fire under it. "We talk about everything. She let's me know what she feels ready for and what she likes. I won't ever do anything to hurt her."

"I know you wouldn't Buck, not intentionally, just be careful."

Buck turned and hugged Rachel, "Thank you for protecting Jane."

"I'm ready" Jane said happily. Pulling her hair back into a ponytail as she walked into the kitchen. "Where are we going?"

"Just a short walk away. I go every morning for a little while to think before the day starts." Buck said and held his hand out. Jane happily intertwined her fingers into his as they walked out the kitchen door and down the steps. They walked for about 15 minutes until they had gotten to a small clearing away from town where there was a small creek running and a quiet grassy area but you could see fairly well in most directions.

"It's so pretty Buck. I never would have thought this was so close to town."

"This is kinda what our place in Sweetwater was like. Near town but away from it and quiet and peaceful." Buck walked Jane over to a log and motioned for her to have a seat.

"This is where I come to pray every morning. I thought maybe you would want to see how I pray since you showed me yours." Buck felt nervous but hopeful.

"Please." Jane said curious.

Buck kissed Jane softly and then walked quietly away to a spot near the water. He took something sand like from his pocket and sprinkled a small circle on the ground and then knelt down facing the west and the sinking moon. Quietly he began to chant, Jane could just make out his voice on the wind. After a moment Buck stood and turned to the north and repeated the kneeling and chanting, then to the south and finally to the east. This time though he rocked as he chanted and moved his arms as though he were lifting the sun up into the sky as he chanted. When he was done he covered his eyes with his hands and said something softly then leaned all the way down to the ground nearly touching the earth but not quite. Finally, he sat back on his heals and rested a moment, watching.

Slowly Buck stood and walked back to Jane and sat down next to her. He felt nervous, afraid, he'd never willingly allowed anyone to watch him pray accept Ike and he felt almost as if he were standing naked in front of the one person he needed to think positively of him, the only person whose opinion mattered to him.

Jane quietly laid a hand on Buck's arm, "You were praying for Ike at the end. That last bit, weren't you?"

Buck's head snapped up, "How did you know?" he said in barely more than a whisper.

"You always get the same look in your eyes whenever anyone mentions Ike. Also you tighten this spot on your back." Jane said and lightly dragged her finger down Buck's neck and between his shoulder blades.

"I do?" Buck asked as he slowly leaned forward and rested his forehead against Jane's. "How do you know that? You've only been here 1 day."

"We were together for two weeks in Benton and I learned you. I've been watching you since I got here. Don't you know me?"

Buck smiled and ran a finger down Jane's cheek, "Yeah, I do." He touched the lobe of Jane's ear, "You always rub your ear when you're making a hard choice." Buck smiled "and when you want to ask me something and you're not sure about it you suck in your stomach."

Jane laughed, "See and that's the stuff you learned back in Benton."

Buck pulled Jane close and hugged her, "You are very smart, remind me never to forget that."

"Deal." Jane said and pulled Buck to his feet, "That being said we better get back before Rachel gets worried. I did promise to help her cook."


	18. Chapter 18

A few days later Buck was up for a run after lunch and Jane was trying to hide her nerves. She was with Buck in the barn after breakfast as he got his horse ready, learning about what exactly he would do, where he would go and most importantly when he would be back.

"It's a short run Jane." Buck said smiling as he brushed down his horse lovingly. "I'll be gone overnight and back for lunch tomorrow. If I sleep on the trail I might even be back in time for breakfast."

"Don't do that." Jane said from the opposite side of the horse. "Stay with the other riders at Liberty Farm. You said it's only four stations away."

Buck put down the brush and walked around the horse and rubbed Jane's arms lightly, "I know you're worried. The boys shouldn't have been telling you those stories last night. I'll be fine."

Jane slid her arms around Bucks waist and looked up at him, "I'd rather know what I'm worrying about then imagining things that aren't likely."

Buck leaned down and kissed Jane softly, "Don't worry. I do this all the time and I'm still here. I always come home. We all come home." Buck paused as he said the last part and then laid his head on Jane's for a moment.

"He wasn't hurt on a run." Jane said softly.

Buck pulled away from her and walked to the other side of the barn. "No. He wasn't hurt Jane. He was killed." Buck swallowed hard then sank down onto his heels and covered his face, "When does this stop hurting?"

"Slowly. It's been better Buck. You've gone hours without feeling the ache. You're starting to move forward."

"Should I?" Buck asked looking up at Jane his eyes wounded and his pain etched across his face. "Is that fair? Right? What about Emily?"

"I'll make you a deal. You go on your run tomorrow and I'll go and talk with Emily. I'll see how she's doing. I'll see if she needs us." Jane kneeled down in front of Buck and put her hand on his knee and he gripped it. "That way I won't just be sitting here scared."

"I like that plan." Buck said as he looked up into Jane's eyes, slowly he felt the knot in his chest loosen and he breathed a bit easier. "I keep meaning to go and check on Emily. I just can never seem to make myself go."

"Makes sense. It's too close. She's the woman Ike loved and probably would have married which would have made her your sister. So when you see her you see all the maybes of Ike's life."

Buck reached out and pulled Jane to him and held her close while he stroked her hair. "You are very wise for one so young. Why do people keep telling me to be careful with you? I'm thinking they should be saying to be careful of you." Buck teased lightly.

"Buck." Jane said with a laugh and playfully smacked his chest. Buck's hand laid on top of hers holding it tight to his chest right over his heart.

"Jane?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you go for a walk with me there's something I want to show you, and a story I want you to know." Buck asked softly as he held tightly to her hand.

"Always." Jane answered as she stood and kept her hand in Bucks as he intertwined their fingers and led them from the barn out to where he prayed each morning.

"You know that I always wear my vest and stay covered." Buck began and Jane nodded. "I don't like showing that my skin is different than the others. It's always been an issue and since I was little I would put on whatever I could to hide my skin."

Jane nodded but didn't say anything, she knew that something more was coming.

"A while back, Ike was taken by the Kiowa. By my brother, Red Bear." Buck watched as Jane's eyes grew wide but still she didn't speak.

"I went after him. I brought him home, but I had to pass a test to prove that I was a Kiowa. The thing is Jane all of this happened after my brother asked me to leave the express and go with him. Live hated as I did as child hated among my own people, always fighting. I couldn't do it, Ike and the boys are my family and I wasn't going to turn my back on them. They don't see my color or my blood, they just see me."

Jane nodded and sat and watched as Buck stood and slowly undid the buttons on his vest and hung it on a branch. Then he carefully removed his medicine pouch and hung it as well from a branch. Jane was intrigued, she had never seen Buck remove his medicine pouch and was surprised to see him do so now. Then slowly he undid the buttons of his shirt and took it off and holding it tight in his clenched fist walked back to Jane sat in front of her.

"My brother, Red Bear" Buck clarified to make sure there was no confusion, "did this." He laid Jane's fingers on the diagonal scar cutting across the middle of his chest just over his heart. "He did this and told me he would tell our tribe I was dead. Soon after he kidnapped Ike."

Jane laid her hand flat over the scar and with her other hand cupped Buck's cheek. "This scar is one brother fighting with another brother for your heart." She felt Buck inhale under her hand. "It's important, but why did you want to share this now?"

Buck shifted his position and pulled Jane into his lap. "I want you to understand…well no not understand…to …."

Jane smiled and leaned in and kissed Buck. "I understand how much love you have in your heart Buck. I understand that you were willing to give your life for your brother. I understand that you are a good man. I also understand that you are still mourning for maybe both of your brothers."

Buck smiled and pulled Jane closer.

"Wanna know what else I understand" Jane whispered.

Buck smiled, "Tell me."

Jane looked around as though someone might be nearby and then leaned in close to Buck and said, "I understand that you are very warm."

Buck laughed and twisted so Jane was more fully against him and then rolled so she was under him. "Warm am I?"

Jane bit her lip as she squirmed under Buck, "Yes, you have a very warm body."

Buck smiled and ran his hands down her sides until she squealed, "Ah ha! The spot!" and began to lightly tickle her.

"Buck!" Jane giggled from under Buck as she wiggled back and forth, "Buck stop!"

"Make me."

"How?"

"You're the smart one. Figure it out." He said as he dug his fingers again into her sides causing her to wiggle and giggle under him. His body was enjoying her movements and he didn't want to stop.

Jane lifted her head and kissed Buck, her arms sliding around his neck pulling his head down to her. She ran her tongue over his lips and felt him open up over her mouth. Hesitantly, Jane began to explore Buck's lips, teeth, tongue, and mouth with her tongue. She felt his fingers stop tickling but she didn't stop. She was enjoying the feeling of his bare skin under her hands as she let them roam over his back. She felt Buck's hips lean down into her and she gasped and the sensations it caused in her.

At Jane's gasp, Buck started to pull away but Jane held him tight against her. She opened her mouth wider under his and he darted his tongue into her mouth to be welcomed with a small moan of delight. Buck's hands began to roam along the sides of Jane's dress and he felt her small bosom and lightly cupped her breasts. She responded by pressing her nails into his back and pulling him closer. Buck's thumbs slid up over the front of Jane's dress and he felt her taught nipples and he hardened at the touch.

He felt himself straining and realized he had to slow down. Slowly he pulled back and rolled to his side, ending the kiss, his hands sliding to Jane's waist. Gathering his breath and his senses before he went too far too fast.

"Buck?" Jane asked confused on why he'd pulled away from her

"I need to slow us down Jane." Buck said as he pulled her to him and stroked her hair. He didn't need to look to know his desire for her was clearly evident.

"Does it help if I told you I enjoyed what we were doing?"

Buck groaned lightly, "Yes", then paused as he thought, "and no."

"Does it help if I told you I like your skin and I'd like our children to have skin like yours?"

Buck smiled, "Definitely." Buck took Jane's hand in his and pulled it across his chest to his opposite shoulder where he turned his head and kissed her fingers. "How many kids are we going to have?"

"I don't know. Does 4 sound good?"

"4 sounds amazing."

"Buck can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No!" Buck said emphatically. Then realized he needed to explain. "The problem was that I was enjoying kissing you too much and if we didn't stop, well we'd break Amanda's rule."

"Is that why you kept…"

"Yes!" Buck interrupted, "After we're married you'll understand all of it. But yes. Let's just stick with yes."

Jane giggled slightly, "Buck, you're blushing."

"No I'm not." Buck said even though he could feel the heat coming off of himself. "Even if I am, you caused it." Buck teased.

"How?"

"You kissed me!"

"You tickled me and wouldn't let me go!" the two promptly dissolved into laughter and said at the same time, "See, it's your fault."


	19. Chapter 19

The next afternoon Jane stood in the yard and smiled and waved as Buck rode off. She called "Ride Safe" to him with the others and then she went into the kitchen and beat up on some dough.

"Feeling better Jane?" Rachel asked from the doorway

Jane blushed as she realized she'd been caught, "Sorry." She quickly placed the dough back in the bowl and covered it with a towel. "But yes."

"It's hard watching them leave. Always having to stay behind and wait."

"I told Buck I wouldn't worry but,"

"But you're worried."

Jane nodded as she sat down at the table and wiped her hands on a towel.

"I'd be concerned if you weren't." Rachel said as she placed a glass of tea in front of the young girl. "Though I wouldn't have expected you to be beating things up. Glad to see your fire."

Jane smiled, "It takes a bit but once I get there it can be impressive. I got made a the social we had back in Benton before Buck and Teaspoon left and well..."

Rachel smiled, "I heard all about it from Teaspoon. He was very impressed with your takedown of the minister."

Jane blushed and covered her face with her hands. "My temper has always been my biggest albatross."

"You handle it and use it wisely though. So you're doing well."

"Thanks." Jane said as she sipped her tea. "I wanted to go and see Emily today. Would that be ok?"

"Of course. I'll have one of the boys hook up the buckboard for you."

Jane pulled up to the cabin and stopped the buckboard, "Hello!" she called "Emily?"

"Dammit" she heard a womans voice say coming from the barn.

Jane got down and walked toward the barn, "Hello? Emily?"

"Whose there?" Emily called out. "I'm working."

"I'm Jane. I'm a, well….a,uh, um…..a friend of Buck's" Jane stuttered unsure of how to describe their relationship.

"Wait! I'm coming."

Jane heard something heavy fall to the ground and then a short woman with a round face and short hair came out to the yard wearing pants and a man's shirt. "Are you really Jane? THE Jane? The one Ike said Buck wouldn't stop talking about?"

Jane blushed at her description and started to nob but stopped herself. "Jane's a fairly common name but, well, I mean, I think I am."

"From Denton or something like that."

"Benton" Jane corrected.

"Yeah!" Emily said happily, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see Buck."

"He had a run?"

Jane nodded and couldn't help but look over her shoulder at the road.

"C'mon let's have something to drink. I feel like I know you. Buck told Ike all about you and then Ike told me…" Emily paused as a moment of grief washed over her. She shut her eyes and took a breath, "so I feel like we're old friends."

Jane smiled. "I'd like for us to be friends. From what Buck says you and Ike were probably gonna get married."

"I dream about that sometimes."

Jane nodded, "I dream about my father walking into our shop and talking to customers and smiling at me."

Emily stopped one foot on the porch the other in mid-air. "Did your father die?"

"Yes. Not long before Ike did. It's kinda how I met Buck and everyone."

Emily went and sat in the rocker on her porch, "So these dreams, where Ike is really alive, that's normal?"

Jane shrugged, "I guess. At least we both know we're not alone."

Emily let out a deep breath, "I didn't even know I'd been holding that in."

Emily opened the door and Jane followed her inside. The two girls sat and talked and compared lives and stories and dreams for hours until a knock came at the door. Emily jumped looking startled.

Jane stood and looked out the window, smiling she turned back, "It's Kid."

Emily smiled and nodded as Jane opened the door.

"Hi Emily." Kid said his hat in his hands.

"Hi" Emily said as she quickly looked away and began to clean up their drinks and snacks.

"Is everything ok Kid?" Jane asked worried.

"Rachel wanted me to come and bring you back it's getting late and she didn't want you to have to drive the buckboard alone in the dark when you're still new here. If you're not done socializing I can wait on the porch."

"No, no. It's fine." Emily said hurriedly, "We didn't realize how late it had gotten."

Jane bit her lip nervously and then turned to Kid and whispered, "Can you give me just a minute to say goodbye?"

Kid nodded and added, "Come out to the station Emily. We all would love to see you."

"Thanks Kid." Emily said staring out the front window as Kid turned and walked onto the porch shutting the door behind him.

Once they were alone, Jane walked slowly over to Emily, "Em? Are you ok? Are you upset that I need to go?"

Emily reached out blindly and grasped for Jane. Jane took Emilys hand and felt her squeeze hard. Jane stepped in closer and wrapped her arms around her friend. "It's gonna be ok Em."

"I'm sorry." Emily said as she felt tears rolling down her cheeks.

Jane quickly walked Emily over to the couch and sat her down. "What is it?"

"Seeing Kid, seeing any of them. It hurts. It just…."

"Should I not have come?"

"You're different. You are a part of them but you're not. I don't know why exactly but, I've loved having you here. I felt good today. For the first time since Ike died. Then seeing Kid, it just…"

"I understand." Jane said. "We'll figure this out. You and I will see each other whenever you want but you won't need to see them. At least not until you're ready. You're my friend Emily."

"You're not upset at how I was to Kid?"

"No and Kid won't be either once I talk to him. He cares about you just like I do. Everyone at the station does. When you're ready to see them they'll be waiting for you."

Jane gave Emily another hug and then stood and headed for the door.

"See you soon." Emily said

"Can't wait!" Jane replied and both woman smiled.

Stepping onto the porch Jane saw that Kid had Katy tied to the back of the buckboard and was quietly talking to the horse while waiting for her. Smiling at the sight Jane walked over, "Sorry about keeping you."

"Is Emily ok?"

Jane explained as they rode back.


	20. Chapter 20

The next morning Jane woke early and walked out to the clearing that she and Buck went to in the mornings for prayer. Jane sat quietly knowing that wherever Buck was he was doing his prayers just then. She looked up at the sky and smiled knowing he was on his way home already and he was looking up at the early morning sky too. Jane began to feel lighter as she walked back to station and couldn't help but laugh when she made Rachel jump when she opened the kitchen door.

"Jane!" Rachel exclaimed "I didn't think you'd have gone for a walk this morning with Buck gone."

"Sorry to startle you." Jane said as she turned on the kettle. "I needed to clear my thoughts and taking that walk helped."

"Made you feel closer to Buck?"

"How'd you know?"

Rachel just laughed and said, "Go get me the eggs."

Smiling Jane grabbed the basket and headed out to the coop.

A few hours later Jane was out behind the house in the bushes picking early berries for a tart for dessert when she heard hoofbeats. She felt her heart race and dropped her basket without even thinking as she ran to the front of the house.

"Rider Comin" Lou yelled "Someone tell…" Lou turned her head and seeing Jane added more quietly, "never mind she's here."

Jane slowed down and walked up to the fence and watched as Buck raced into the yard and tossed a mochila to Lou who took it and began to ride hard and fast to St. Louis. Kid stepped up and grabbed Buck's horse and said, "I'll cool her down for you."

Buck barely looked at Kid as he tossed him the reins, "Thanks." He said and walked directly to Jane who climbed over the fence and walked to Buck.

Meeting in the middle Buck wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, "See." He said softly.

"You're back." Jane said happily, hugging him. She felt Buck rest his head on top of hers and let out a deep breath. "You're ok."

Buck leaned down and kissed her, "I'm home." He whispered against her lips.

Jane smiled and squeezed him tighter, "I missed you." Then stepping back added "You smell awful though." Jane added with a laugh.

Buck leaned down and sniffed, "Kinda like a sheep put away wet for a week." he said teasingly and squeezed Jane harder.

"Ewwww, Buck." Jane said and laughed as she pushed against him.

Buck let go saying, "I'm gonna go clean up and then maybe we can go for a walk?"

Jane nodded and she watched him start walking away and then feeling brave called after him, "Maybe a picnic Buck?" blushing Jane then turned and ran into the house.

Jimmy and Cody were both on the bunkhouse porch and watched Buck try to swallow a smile as he entered.

"Picnic?" Cody asked.

"Shut up." Buck said grabbing his clean clothes and hurrying back outside, glad he didn't blush easily.

The next few months fell into an easy rhythm and pattern and before they knew it Jane's birthday was the next day. Buck woke early and quietly threw his pillow at Lou, who was asleep in her bunk.

Waking with a gasp, Lou grabbed the pillow and looked ready to attack. Buck stood and motioned for her to meet him outside. Lou rubbed her eyes and blinked. She looked out the window and realized it was barely light yet. 'This better be good or he's dead.' Lou thought to herself as she pulled on clothes and boots and headed out the door.

She looked around and saw Buck just inside the barn and shook her head as she walked over. "This better be good Buck." She muttered sleepily as she entered the barn.

Buck looked around nervously. "It's Jane's birthday."

Lou smiled, "What are you going to do?"

"I wanted to ask her to marry me." Buck said and looked around again anxiously

Lou immediately hugged Buck. "I'm so happy for you." Then she stepped back and looked at Buck, "Wait, what's wrong?"

"I don't know…" Buck paused and looked around helplessly

"Is this about Ike?"

"Sorta. Not really though. I don't know how."

"You just ask."

"Aren't I supposed to get her a ring or something?"

Lou's eye's widened and she realized how Ike was involved. She suddenly felt a lot closer to Buck than she had a minute before. "Usually. I, I have a ring. If you want it."

Buck shook his head, "Maybe, it's just. Is there anything special I need to do or get or anything?"

Lou sat down on a nearby haybale and said, "Just be honest with her and tell her how you feel and why you want to marry her. If she says yes, offer her a ring. I can't imagine she'd say no."

Buck nodded and sat down next to Lou. "How do I offer her a ring when anything I can offer her I know she can make something better."

"Good point." Lou sighed and thought for a minute, "I guess whoever made those rules didn't think women could make jewelry."

Buck smiled, "Maybe that's why you two get on so well. 2 rule breakers." Buck teased.

Lou's eyes went wide, "Buck I think that's it!"

"What's it?"

"Rule breaking. I think I know the best gift you can get Jane and include Ike in everything. I need to check on a few things but I bet I'm right."

"What?"

"You'll see!" Lou said and ran out of the barn towards the bunkhouse.


	21. Chapter 21

A21

Buck stood on the boardwalk outside the bank and looked again at Lou and Kid, "Are you sure you're ok with this?"

Lou and Kid looked at each other and nodded, "Look," Kid said, "We don't know what's coming with this war but we do know we're all going to need a home and work to return to after."

"You and Ike started all of us thinking about this." Lou added

Buck nodded and then said, "Let's do this." And handed Kid 2 pouches of money, 1 his and 1 Ike's that Teaspoon gave him when he had died.

Lou nodded and handed over a pouch of her own and said, "We'll meet you at the courthouse."

Kid smiled and walked into the small shop at the end of the walk, as Buck and Lou walked away. "I think she'll like this Buck. I would if I were her."

Buck looked down at his friend and smiled and then nudged her playfully as they walked. "This is better than a ring." He said thoughtfully as he twisted one of the bracelets he had on his wrist.

An hour later Buck, Kid and Lou were stepping out of the courthouse laughing about the look on the judges face when they explained what they wanted. When the skies opened up and they were almost instantly drenched. "Where did this come from?" Kid asked

"Don't complain." Lou said as she pulled her collar up tighter, "We need it."

"So much for Jane's party being outside." Buck added as thunder cracked over in the hills, "We should get back and help Rachel get everything set up inside."

"We should get back and get dried off." Kid said laughing as he mounted Katy and his hat tipped water all over his cherished horse. "Before we drown."

"I'm beat you all to the clean towels." Lou said as she kicked her horse into a gallop. Laughing the boys followed her closely back to the station.

Hearing the horses Rachel ran out to the porch to see three drenched riders, "Oh, it's just you."

"Nice to see you too." Lou replied with a smile.

"Sorry Louise I'm just worried about Jane."

"What do you mean?" Buck asked dismounting and taking the steps two at a time to get to Rachel.

"She borrowed the mare and went to pick flowers for the party. But then the rain started and…" Rachel didn't get to finish before Buck had turned and ran back to his horse and mounted and took off.

Kid turned and started to go after him but Lou put a hand on his arm, "He'll be ok." Kid stopped and looked at Lou and the rain streaming down her face and nodded and took the horses reins from her and said, "Go dry off, I'll take care of the horses."

Lou smiled, "Thanks Kid." She began to walk away but stopped and then turned and watched Kid walk away with the two horses and smiled her fingers lightly touching her lips.

Buck rode hard and fast towards the hills where Jane had found him when she had first arrived. Where Ike's pyre had been. He was nearly there when he there was a streak of lightning that looked as though it landed near Ike's spot. Buck felt his heart stop in his chest and then a few moments later he saw Jane's horse running past him in a blind panic down the trail he knew she was in trouble.

Spurring his horse on towards the worst of the storm he stopped at the base of the hill and climbed the rest of the way up on foot. "JANE!" He began calling as he approached the bend in the trail but his voice bounced back to him on the wind. He came to the clearing and saw drag marks in the mud.

Buck kneeled down looked at the marks and every horrible thought ran through his mind for a moment and then he began to follow the marks and saw a divet where Jane must have fallen off of her horse. Turning he followed the marks the other way and saw they were leading over towards a rock outcropping. 'She is so smart.' Buck thought to himself as he found a division in the rocks and stuck his head in.

"Jane?" He called

"Buck?" He heard softly and immediately clambered through the crevice and found himself in a large cave nearly tall enough for him to stand up in.

"You're ok." Buck said as he wrapped his arms around Jane and pulled her close to him. Jane wrapped her arms around Buck and nodded. "Jane you're soaked through. Let me get a fire started."

Rather quickly Buck had assembled a small fire from the debris on the floor of the cave. "You should probably remove some of your wet clothes." Buck said as he took off his boots and socks to dry lying them on stones near the fire. "Um" Buck said turning back to Jane. "I'm going to take off my shirt to dry too."

"You should also probably remove your pants Buck. They've got to be just as wet as everything else you've got on."

"Jane I'm not wearing my long-john's so I'm gonna have to keep them on."

Jane blushed and looked away as she imagined for a moment what Buck would look like with no long-johns. "Right."

Noticing that Jane hadn't moved at all Buck moved a little closer to her and said again softly, "You should also probably get out of some of your layers though."

Jane swallowed hard. She'd never been anything but completely clothed in front of anyone, ever. "Right" she whispered and reached behind her to undo her skirt ties but paused unsure of how to proceed.

Buck could feel her hesitation, "Jane I can stay over there near the mouth of the cave if you'd be more comfortable."

Jane bit her lips and closed her eyes tight and then said, "I'm afraid."

"Of me?" Buck asked his heart nearly breaking

"No. Of me."

"Jane, I don't…"

"I, I don't know what you're going to think of me." Jane said softly, "Ilike it that you're here, next to me but I don't want you to think bad of me or think I'm…."Jane paused embarrassed and looked down at her hands.

Buck quickly crossed over to Jane and sat in front of her. "I love you." He said softly and kissed her gently, "I would be honored to help you." He whispered as he reached gently forward and undid the first button on Jane's blouse. He felt her shiver again. "Are you cold Jane?"

"No." she whispered and reached her fingers out towards Buck and slid them inside his vest. She looked up and saw Buck nod, slowly she slid her hands to Bucks shoulders and lifted the heavy felt from his shoulders and guided it down his arms.

Buck kissed Jane again, "I love you." He whispered against her lips as his fingers undid the next button on her blouse. "I want to marry you." Buck whispered into Jane's ear as he undid the next button and then placed a kiss on her jaw. Buck pulled slightly back and looked into the deep fathoms of her eyes, "I want to spend my life with you." He said softly and watched as first shock and then happiness drew across Jane's face. "Will you marry me?"

Jane leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Buck's neck, her lips a breath above his, "yes" she breathed and the kissed him with all of the love she had for him.

Buck wrapped his arms around Jane and leaned her back against the ground, as he deepened the kiss. He felt her mouth yield to him and he claimed her as his. His tongue delved deep into the sweet recesses of her mouth and tasted her, his Jane.

Jane let her hands begin to roam up over Buck's torso. She was pulling at his wet shirt she wanted to feel him close to her. She felt Buck pull away and moaned slightly but sighed when he leaned back down covering her tiny frame with his own her hands now able to slid along his bare flesh. Her fingers began to explore the angles and planes of Buck's muscular back, even as she felt his fingers slowly undo the next two buttons on her blouse.

Jane gasped when she felt Buck's lips begin to trail kisses along the opening her shirt now provided him. Buck leaned back for a second to look but saw Jane smile at him and continued slowly kissing his way down her neck and over her chemise.

Leaning back Buck said, "You might be more comfortable without the wet blouse on."

Jane nodded and sat up as she felt Buck's hands slide down to her waist and pull gently at her blouse and slowly slide it over her head. He stepped away to place it where it would dry overnight and when he came back he stopped and admired the site of Jane sitting in the firelight. "You're beautiful." He said quietly.

Jane looked up at him and smiled and then said softly, "I might be more comfortable without all of the skirts on too."

Buck blinked slowly even as he felt himself nodding and sent a prayer to the Gods that he was worthy of this woman and would do right by her. He watched as Jane slowly stood and removed her heavy over skirt but as she went to remove her petticoats he heard her gasp and reached out for her and lowered her slowly to the ground.

"Jane? What is it? Are you ok?"

"I am…" Jane said and then added, "I will be."

"What is it Jane? Is this why you didn't walk to the cave?"

"When I fell my leg got stuck in the stirrup and it was hard for me to get Berry to stop long enough to get free." Jane said as Buck immediately shifted to pull Jane's legs into his lap. "I think I hurt my ankle."

Buck carefully laid his hands on Jane's petticoats and then slowly ran his fingers lightly over Jane's knees and then down her legs. He stopped when he got to her left foot, "Jane?"

"I'm hoping Berry will still have my shoe when we get home." Jane said attempting humor.

"Quick thinking."

"I'll need new laces though."

Buck laughed, "That's the least of our worries." He said as he kissed Jane happily. Taking a deep breath Buck said "Jane, I want to check your ankle but I'm going to need to move your skirts."

"I trust you Buck." Jane said locking her eyes with Bucks and smiling confidently.

Buck nodded and took a slow steadying breath. He slowly lowered his eyes and picked up Jane's foot and then slid his hands slowly around Jane's ankle. He heard her take a sharp intake of breath and mentally marked it. Slowly he let his hands slide further up her leg and she said, "Ohhh." Softly

"Does that hurt?" Buck asked looking up

"No." Jane said in a whisper feeling herself blush.

"Oh." Buck said stilling his hands, "Should I stop?"

"No." Jane said softly her fingers lightly grazing his arm.

"I'm going to remove your stocking so I can splint your ankle."

"Mmhmm." Jane mummered as she felt Buck's fingers slide up her thigh and undo the snaps that held her stockings in place.

Buck swallowed heavily as Jane's mouth opened slightly at his lightest touch. He knew he shouldn't but he wrapped his fingers around her thigh and pressed the warm skin lightly enjoying the way her brown eyes darkened. Slowly he slid the stocking down her leg, enjoying every nuance of her well defined calf muscle and sounds she breathed at his touch. Gently he picked her foot up and placed it back in his lap and cupped her heal while he slid his other hand around the back of her ankle and moved it lightly back and forth.

"I'm going to bind this for now." Buck said softly, "If I can find some sturdy twigs later I can re-do it better if you want."

Jane nodded, not trusting her voice. All her senses were tangled up in the feeling of Buck's hands on her leg. She felt him take her stocking and twist it around her ankle and foot and tie it. But her eyes never left his face, she was fascinated by the look he wore and how touching her seemed to be affecting him too. Finally, she felt her foot be laid down in the dirt of the cave and she felt herself breath again. She felt herself come back to herself.

"How long do you think we'll be here?" Jane asked as she leaned against Buck and rested her head against his chest. Her fingers began to lightly stroke his skin.

"Probably til morning." Buck said "It's a bad storm and I don't think we should try heading back in the dark not with you having a bad ankle." Buck felt his body responding to Jane's touch and closeness. He watched as Jane nodded, "Sorry you have to spend your birthday in a cave."

"I'm not. I get to be with you on my birthday. That's really all I wanted. And who else would have their birthday in a cave. That's kinda special." Jane said as she shifted and leaned herself closer to Buck. She lifted her face to his and placed a slow but steady kiss on his lips and feeling daring she let her tongue dart out and taste his him. Buck responded instantly by opening his mouth to her. Jane felt her heart race as she slipped her tongue into his mouth and felt the warmth of him come over her. She could taste him and she wanted more, shifting slightly she slid her arms around Bucks neck and found her fingers entwined in his ponytail and she began to twist the hair lightly around her fingers first pulling and then pushing him closer to her. Finally the kiss broke and Jane found herself breathless.

Buck automatically wrapped his arms around Jane. "It will be nice to be able to be alone. We haven't really had that since Benton."

Jane giggled, "Unless you count when we've sneaked off to the barn."

Buck smiled, "I definitely count that but, this is…I don't know, different."

Jane nodded, "No one looking for us. We can just be us and talk about anything." Jane shivered slightly and Buck tightened his arms around her.

"Is there something you want to talk about?" Buck asked curiously

Jane bit her lip and shook her head even as she felt her cheeks redden, "Not talk no."

"What do you want Jane?"

"You." Jane whispered

Buck smiled and slid his arms around Jane, and kissed her again. "You have me."

Jane shook her head and said in a voice so soft Buck could barely hear her. "I like how you make me feel Buck. I don't want it to stop."

Buck swallowed hard, "Jane" he whispered "We're in a cave."

"I know. And it's my birthday. And we're engaged. And I love you. And…" Buck stopped her with a searing kiss his fingers tangling in her hair as he began to slowly lower her to the ground.


	22. Chapter 22

(continuation of A21 – can be skipped if you don't want an M story)

Sliding himself so that he was only slightly on top of her and mostly to the side of her Buck loosed one hand from her hair and cupped her face slowly he lifted her head and moved his kiss to her jaw and then her neck and then slowly he traced the lace of her chemise right to the middle of her chest. He could feel her heart racing and slowly he slid his hand down and cupped her small breast in his large warm hand through the chemise. He ran his thumb over the soft linen, once, twice, and then her small nub responded and he rolled it slowly between his finger and thumb. He listened to Jane's breath as he touched her, waited for her to tell him to stop or to pull away but she arched her back toward him instead.

Buck looked up at Jane and saw her watching him, so he slowly lowered his mouth down to the linen covered nub as sucked lightly. Jane gasped and he lifted his eyes. Jane nodded smiling at him, this time he watched her as he sucked harder and saw her head fall back and Buck smiled. He slid his free hand over to her other breast and began to tease it with his fingers while his mouth and tongue tantalized her first one. Then he switched and he heard Jane gasp and Buck chuckled lightly even as he felt himself begin to strain against the pants he still wore.

Lifting his head, he kissed Jane's neck, jaw and finally lips again. He could feel her breath straining. "More?" he asked softly

"Please." She whispered

Buck smiled as he captured her mouth again and slid his hand gently down her side. He clutched as much of the linen chemise as he could in one hand and then pulled until he felt it slide up and angled his hand underneath. He felt Jane's gasp when his hand touched her bare stomach. "Is this ok?" Buck asked and felt Jane nod under him. Painfully slowly torturing both of them Buck slid the chemise up and over Jane's head letting it land on the ground as he lowered his head to her chest and began to kiss a trail all the way down to her belly button.

When she giggled, Buck lifted his head and smiled, but then slowly slid his hands back up and cupped both breasts at the same time and watched Jane's face as he slowly rubbed circles and with his thumbs and pulled at her overly sensitive nubs. He didn't stop till she moaned and he felt her wiggle beneath him and he himself had to swallow a hard breath of desire. He lowered his head and suckled on each nub, lavishing each breast with attention as he felt her stomach muscles tighten under his hand and listened to her moans of pleasure.

Slowly Buck's hands slid down to the waist of Jane's pantaloon's and his thumbs slid just under the waistband and touched the skin there. "Buck?" Jane whispered and Buck froze.

"Stop?" Buck asked quietly

Jane took a deep breath and looked at Buck, "No. I just wanted to look at you for a moment."

Buck smiled and lifted his head up and cupped Jane's face softly with both hands. "I love you." He whispered and kissed her lightly. He pulled slightly back so they could see each others faces.

"I love you too." Jane said and ran her hands across Buck's chest and down his stomach. They stopped at his waist and shook slightly. She looked up at him nervously.

"It's ok." Buck whispered

Jane's fingers touched his belt gingerly and she bit her lip as she slowly undid it. She let out a breath and then put her hands on Buck's hips and pushed the fabric down. Buck shifted around a bit and eventually just pulled his pants off. He heard Jane gasp and looked down.

"You lied." Jane said

"About what?"

"You said it was smaller than Lightnings."

Buck looked down and smirked and then shook his head, "I promise, it is." He said. Slowly he placed his hands on Jane's waist and looked up at her, "Can I?" he asked

Jane nodded and then watched as Buck untied the ribbons that kept her pantaloons in place and removed them.

"You're beautiful." He said softly as he lean over her to kiss her.

Buck laid a hand on Jane's hip and slid it down slowly to her knee and then back up as she watched him. Then he slid his hand back down and cupped the underside of her knee and brought it up. He kissed her knee and then the inside of her knee and then began to trail kisses up the inside of her thigh as Jane shut her eyes. He stopped where her thigh and hip met.

Buck breathed in deeply as he got close to her center where all her hair was little brown curls. He placed a kiss just below her belly button and then began to slowly trail kisses down and stopped just where her curls began.

Buck lifted himself and kissed Jane deeply and passionately until they were both breathless and then he repositioned himself and lowered his head and kissed her curls. He found a tiny packet of nerves that jumped at his touch and smiled and licked them as Jane called out his. He slid his hand into hers entwining their fingers as he sucked that same spot causing Jane to arch up to him and call out again. Buck slid one finger across her curls and found where she parted slowly he slid a single finger in and heard Jane gasp and stopped. He placed his thumb on her nerve point and felt her relax and open for him so he slid his finger deeper and then slowly pulled it out. He moved his thumb across her and did it again. He repeated this seven or eight times, when he suddenly felt her body begin to tighten down on his finger and her breathing become ragged. Her hips were lifting off of the ground. Buck turned his head and watched as Jane's face as she had her first orgasm. As Jane's body came back down and she opened her eyes Buck slowly removed his finger from her and sniffed it and then sucked it while looking at Jane.

Then before she had a chance to fully come back to herself Buck positioned himself over her and slowly lowered his throbbing member to her ready opening. Slowly he slid in just the head and waited Jane watched him as he balanced above her, so he slid deeper and she gasped so he waited to give her time to adjust. Then he slid in a bit more and pushed against her with his body and Jane quivered under him. Buck moaned deep in his throat. Buck pulled slightly out and then rocked back in again and again, each time going a little further out and a little further in. He felt himself up tight against Jane and knew she couldn't take him any deeper. His muscles tightened at the thought.

He began to push harder and faster and could feel her lifting to meet him thrust for thrust. He slid his hand between them and rubbed her spot and heard her whimper. He pushed harder and felt her begin to tighten around him. He knew he needed her to finish first so he rubbed her again and again and then he lowered his mouth the her breast and sucked on her nub at the same time and suddenly she tightened hard against him her body shaking with desire and pleasure. He heard her call out his name and Buck shut his eyes and let himself release himself into Jane. He collapsed bonelessly on top of her his only thought to wonder if he were still alive.


End file.
